How To Be Resilient & Courageous (+Proud of Your Midlife Self)

It’s now, in midlife, that the last thought on your mind is to be “resilient and courageous”.

Ever feel like you're teetering on a high wire, blindfolded, with the world watching below? One minute, you're conquering life's great balancing act, and the next - whoosh - you're in free fall.

 I get it. 

The midlife rollercoaster is not for the faint of heart. Fear, uncertainty, and change are the nasty gremlins that come along for the ride, uninvited.

Yeah, you've been shoved into the deep end. The kids are off, career's taking a twist, body's playing mischief, and all you've got is a lousy life preserver called 'courage.' 

Really, universe?

But hold up! WHAT IF this courage could be your life raft, your North Star navigating you through this seemingly impossible stage? 

How about we unravel the magic of what it takes to get through all of it…the fear, the uncertainty and the change?  Like a boss. Like a Beautiful Warrior.

Are you up for it? It all starts right here.

This is where you train as a "Beautiful Warrior". This week's training? How to be Resilient and Courageous and PROUD of your Midlife Self.


1.  What does it mean to be reslient and courageous?
2.  How you can build resilience and courage.
3.  How to live life as a resilient and courageous woman.


See in you inside!

Here is the link to the transcript, if you prefer to read it rather than listen.

Download here:  FREE e-Book:  How To Find Your Passionately Personal Midlife Mission

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Transcript

(00:02):

Welcome back, my lovely ladies. This is Soft and Strong: Midlife Women on a Mission. And this is where we're training to become Beautiful Warriors. Today we're talking about something that is so vital in our training to be able to stand up in life, to be who we are, to take whatever comes at us, and to eventually feel proud and strong because of the way that we handled it to grow from that thing.

(00:42):

So now midlife is probably the last thought. When you're in midlife, I should say the last thought on your mind is most likely to be resilient and courageous. Ever feel like you're teetering on a high wire, blindfolded with the world watching down below? One minute you're conquering life's great balancing act. And the next whoosh, you're in free fall. I get it. Bend there every day practically. The midlife rollercoaster is not for the faint of heart.

(01:26):

Fear, uncertainty, and change are the nasty gremlins that come along for the ride - uninvited. Whether you want it, whether you want them or not. Yeah, you've been shoved into the deep end with no choice. The kids are off career's taking a twist, your body playing mischief, and all you've got is a lousy life preserver called courage. And dare I say, a lot of guilt if you are not hanging on to that life preserver.

(02:09):

So we have to ask, really, this is what our life's about at this stage. Okay? So hold up. What if - consider this - this courage could be your life raft, like your north star, navigating you through what seems like an impossible stage. After all, we're heading toward the end of our lives here. You're on that path called life. When you were born, you entered it. When you die, you will leave it.

(02:48):

In this part of the path called "midlife", there are a lot of changes, a lot of adjustments, and that's where the fear, the uncertainty, and the need to change comes from. You have to be adaptable. So how about we talk about that? Let's talk about courage and resilience because I think this is such an important part of our character, an important part of who we are as Beautiful Warriors.

(03:23):

So right in the middle of all the chaos, have you ever paused and truly looked at yourself? Not just a quick glance in the mirror while you're, you know, rush about your day, but a deep soul-searching look. Never done this? Well, it's time. Stop what you're doing right now, and I want you to go find a mirror. Even if you're driving, well pull over, look in that rearview mirror. Look yourself right in the eyes. Now, I know you don't like this, but the good news is that the reflection you see isn't a finished masterpiece or an idol to be worshiped. It's just you, wonderfully, uniquely you.

(04:21):

And I get it because I've been there so much of my life. I want to be the masterpiece and I want the masterpiece to be NOW. But I want to tell you today about a better way. A way that requires an unconventional kind of courage. It's not about being some sort of superhero or superstar or someone that is completely unattainable. It's you having the courage to be imperfect.

(05:00):

That's a term. You know, the courage to be imperfect. I've talked a lot about Alfred Adler one of the key thinkers in modern psychology. He was in doing his studies at the in the early 19 hundreds, and I love his philosophy and he says that what we need is the courage to be imperfect. His idea is straightforward, yet it flips our common perceptions upside down. We're not canvases that require continual touch-ups or additions. Instead, we're more like sculptures. And you are the artist chipping away, honing, refining, discovering your true form hidden beneath the exterior.

(06:09):

There was also another guy named Arthur Brooks who I love this one quote about aging. He said, "As you're aging, focus on what age gives you, not what it takes away." So you're chipping away and life is helping you to chip away all of that stone on the sculpture to reveal the true you underneath. Focus on what age is giving you, not on what it's taking away. You are standing at a crossroads in midlife, but it's not a dead end or a downhill slope. Don't let society tell you that. Don't let your brain tell you that. It's an opportunity, an invitation to mastery.

(07:04):

You have to face life's hard truths. You can do the hard stuff. That's a thought that you need to have in your mind. Life is unpredictable and let's be honest, it's not always fair. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, life drops a bombshell. Am I right? Or somebody decides that they're going to, throw a rock at your heart, a rock of expectation or criticism. Now, in this kind of situation, I think what often doesn't come naturally to us is knowing that we have choices. You have choices. You can crumble under the weight of what happens, or you can stand tall, face whatever it is that is causing you adversity and decide how you come back from it.

(08:07):

That's the beauty of life. You get to decide how you come back from it. This is where we meet that word called "resilience". Resilience is your best ally in the whole face of hardship. It's not just a fancy trait or a skill that you can put on your resume. Resilience is a way of life. It's the ability to adapt, to change, to persist despite setbacks, to exhibit toughness when times are tough, to manifest grit when things get gritty. Are you hearing what I'm saying here, ladies? Resilience goes hand in hand with courage. They're best friends get to know one and you get to know the other.

(09:07):

So how do you build this thing called "resilience" and pair it with courage? That's the million-dollar question. How do we build resilience? How do we cultivate courage? This is where your beautiful warrior training begins.

(09:31):

Take care of yourself. That's the first thing I'm going to give you five here. Take care of yourself. It all starts there. You can't be mentally strong if you don't have physical well-being. At least it takes a lot of effort. So the easiest way to develop that mental well-being to help you handle anything is to take care of yourself physically. That, yeah, I know that includes, I'm going to say it. A healthy diet, regular exercise, adequate sleep. These are not your check boxes on a health chart. They're actually foundational habits that will be very proactive to helping you be the best you that you can be.

(10:23):

The same applies to mindful relaxation activities. Are you doing your yoga, your meditation, or even just taking time to do a leisurely walk in the park? These are the things you need to practice so that you're in touch with your heart and your heart can talk to your mind so that you're strong. Whenever something tough comes at you, you're ready. Find what truly nourishes you and do it. Include it as a non-negotiable part of your routine.

(11:01):

The second thing I want you to think about when you're building resilience and courage is to embrace challenges. Now, here's an unorthodox tip. Seek out challenges. Look for them. Yeah, you heard me right. Do not run from them. Go toward them. Let those challenges that come up in your life be seen as your proving ground. Let that be the thought that comes into your head instead of, "Oh, I can't do this", or "There's no way I'm going to get through this."

(11:44):

Look at it as a proving ground. Look at setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. Okay, this is one way to train. I'm going to see how I can come through this the strongest, how I can come through this being true to myself, being true to my values, being true to my standards. See those setbacks as a path to mastery. You are the artist of your life. Remember, allow the tough times to be the training that reveals and sculpts a stronger braver You.

(12:22):

Number three here is value good company. Ever noticed how your mood changes based on the company you keep? Huh? Yeah? Who's in your circle, your inner circle? There are some people in our life we cannot get away from associating with. It's just the facts. But there are those that we can allow into our inner circle and we can choose - there's that word again -. we can choose who those people are. Are they positive, uplifting individuals in your inner circle? Do they inspire you to be your best self?

(13:16):

You can choose who gets the larger portion of your time. So give that time to mentors who can guide you or to your friends, peers who understand what you're going through. Build that support network that has your back. Their resilience and courage will rub off on you, I promise.

(13:45):

The fourth thing is, manage your emotions. All those feelings, we know all about those, right? Being resilient doesn't mean suppressing your emotions or putting on a brave face all the time. It means understanding and accepting your feelings. Just as a reflection in the mirror will never be that of a dream goddess, and that's okay, you will also never experience a hundred percent good feelings every day of your life. There will be good days and bad days. There will be 50% good emotions and 50% bad emotions. Sometimes 75% bad emotions. This is life. But the good feelings will always come back.

(14:35):

There's always a balance, a flip back and forth. As you sculpt out the real you beneath the exterior, you'll discover that your feelings are attached to something that is happening in your world or your body or your life, and you are simply responding to that. That's where your feelings come from. Something happens. You have a thought. That thought leads to a feeling.

(15:05):

So find the root thought and you'll gain incredible insights into who you are. Those insights will guide you more and more toward managing your emotions. So you can take actions because it something happens, you have a thought about it, which creates an emotion, which leads to the actions that you take in your life, which then leads to the results. So the results you're getting are, the outcome, the baby, of the thought that you're thinking. So what you want to do is always be looking at what thought you're thinking so that you've got that root so that the actions will empower you to get the results you want in your life.

(16:01):

Okay, number five, on how to build courage and resilience in your life. Pursue passion. What makes your heart sing? What stirs your soul? Whatever it is, chase it. Passion ignites your spirit, fuels your resilience, propels your courage. It creates a positive feedback loop that lights up your self-confidence and you'll discover that every aspect of your life is infused with meaning and joy. Go after what lights you up and do it often.

(16:56):

Alright, so now we have the five things that help you to build courage and resilience. One, take care of yourself. Two, embrace challenges. Three, value good company. Four, manage your emotions, and five, pursue passion. Now let's look at how this looks in your life. How to live life as resilient and courageous woman. In other words, as a Beautiful Warrior, - Beautiful, because she knows who she is, she has the confidence that she's good enough, that she's here for a reason, a purpose, and a Warrior because she can stand up to whatever life throws at her.

(17:50):

So, as you get started in cultivating and focusing on cultivating resilience and embracing courage, how does it translate into everyday life, into midlife? Well, let's look at five things again in ways that I'm going to give you examples of how you can face these things. What courage looks like and what resilience looks like in each of these areas.

(18:23):

So let's say physical changes. When you face physical changes, be courageous. Now, this is not easy because it's hard to come to terms with the fact that your body is changing, that there are hot flashes, that there is weight gain, that there is all kinds of peri-menopausal symptoms. Sometimes it seems like our emotions are up and down and it's something that we can't even control with our thoughts. Alright, so breathe. Bravely, face this. That's your first thought, "I am brave". I am brave. Remember, what's going on in your body is not you. This is your body. You live inside it.

(19:22):

Be resilient. So first, be courageous. And as you live in courage, you will be learning to be resilient. It's like a muscle you're building along with courage comes resilience. So when it comes to your physical changes, be resilient. Step away from the loss, sometimes the shock, and release that inner drive in you that has helped you to do hard things in the past. Set your eyes forward. Be open to trying new approaches. Look for those. Focus on what you can control and instead of what you can't. Be courageous. Be resilient.

(20:19):

Okay, let's look at the second area. Career transitions. Be courageous. Accept that what was working before may not be working now. That's a fact. But here's where the thought comes in. What if you were to just ask yourself, "What if that is okay and could be exciting?" What if it's okay that what was working before is not working now? Interesting thought, right?

(20:55):

So that then leads to you stepping up and just saying, okay, I see it, I'm facing it. Then be resilient. Instead of falling into self-pity or blame, say to yourself, "I can pivot." I can pivot. Look for the next stepping stone to a richer, more fulfilling professional journey. You never know what's just around the corner or down the road. Tap into your support network. Look for guidance from mentors, your boss, people you know, and let yourself be open to learning new skills or even to stepping into a new career. Be courageous. Be resilient.

(21:48):

Okay, how about empty nest syndrome? Hmm. Be courageous. When the kids fly the coop, let yourself cry. Let your little chicks be gone and let yourself feel that. Let yourself cry. Feel afraid, and wonder who you are now. That's okay. Don't push it away. Feel those feelings. Your kids are a large part of your identity, so it's going to be an adjustment. That's normal. However, don't stay there in the puddle of tears. Be resilient. Bounce back. Face it bravely, and then rediscover your individuality. How about exploring new hobbies or pursuing passions that you put on the back burner for a very long time? You can recreate who you are in a way that you will love as much as you love being a mom.

(23:05):

Another area we face is aging parents. Alright, when your parents are aging, becoming more and more dependent on you, be courageous as your parents age and need your help. Sometimes we go to a place where we feel overwhelmed and sad and maybe even resentful at times. So again, just like with the empty nest, let these feelings be there alongside you. Acknowledge them.

(23:41):

Be courageous, be resilient. Be flexible. See this as an opportunity to love them more than ever. They're your parents. You can choose how you respond. So seek help, establish clear boundaries, prepare for potential losses. Learn to manage your stress so that you can take care of yourself and give yourself some love, too. You can do this.

(24:21):

The last thing that we're going to talk about, the last area of change that often throws us for a loop in midlife is our relationship changes. When you face a change in a relationship, no matter if it's your marriage, your romantic relationship, maybe your relationship with your children, be courageous. Stop. Breathe. Regroup. Feel what you're feeling and be honest. Take responsibility for your part. Just look at it in that way and give yourself some time and then be resilient.

(25:11):

Take action in small, careful steps when it comes to relationships, because what you do, what you say, sometimes cannot be repaired. This is where you want to draw on every bit of character that you have inside your beautiful heart, the you that you want to be. Shows up here, this is tough, but remember, you are courageous. You can do hard things. So get yourself the help that you need. Go to therapy or counseling or coaching. Again, build a supportive network, people who get you and who are there to watch your back and put your self-care on priority. Let yourself grow into using your past relationship experiences to create healthier ones in the future. Never stop learning.

(26:19):

So the trials and the decisions you face in midlife are not just obstacles. Flip that around from an obstacle to an opportunity. You get to choose. Be courageous and let that courage open up the way for you to be resilient, to bounce back, to be flexible, to be able to go with the flow, to build and draw on all of the strengths that you have inside of you. Each one, each challenge that comes along in your life, each area of your life that changes in midlife is a chance to exercise your courage and to flex your resilience, to sculpt out your true self.

(27:12):

We've all been there, haven't we? We've all been here in this place. That's life. That's the struggle. That's the bombs that go off the boulders. A drop on you on your path in life. And we've all heard the nagging voice that whispers: "This is too hard. What's the point? I'm not cut out for this." It's okay to feel the weight of these emotions. After all, navigating the midlife waters is no walk in the park. It's like trying to walk on the water in the storm sometimes.

(27:53):

But here's the thing, lovely. Every storm cloud has a silver lining and the storm that you are weathering, it's shaping you into the beautiful midlife warrior that you are becoming. This is your purpose, to build your character, to become a better you in the last half of your life. Remember, being resilient isn't about bouncing back like nothing happened.

(28:24):

It's about springing forward, armed with a newfound wisdom. It's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to falter. This is where the courage comes in. It's okay to fail. It's okay to drop off the grid for a while, to not be able to handle everything the way that you wish you could. And that's okay because that's human. And we are talking about the courage to be imperfect here. Let yourself be who you are in the moment. Then - draw up all your strength, rise up and let resilience be what pulls you forward into the future.

(29:19):

So conquer the career transitions, relish the empty nest, extend love to your aging parents and build, foster, nurture stronger relationships. Every hurdle is an opportunity to prove to yourself just how strong you truly are. Alright, my Beautiful Warriors, seize the day. Paint the town red for you are no longer. - yay - a mere participant in the game of life. You are the master. Your destiny awaits right there in front of you. You've got this, and I will talk to you in the next podcast. Thanks so much for being here.