3 Ways Life Has Prepared You To ROCK Midlife

Many of us by midlife are afraid to make decisions because we’re afraid the past equals the future.

The amazing news about life is this: the past does NOT equal the future. Every phase is a new canvas. And you hold the paintbrush in your hand.

THIS is when decide: Beautiful Warrior of Shrinking Violet? 

Your Beautiful Warrior is YOU taking charge. 

YOU becoming the boss of your brain and not listening to all the stories it tells you. 

Truth is, your brain is just trying to protect you. That’s its job. And it just wants to keep you safe.

In this podcast we talk about 3 Thoughts of a Beauiful Warrior. Thoughts that create passion and purpose. Thoughts that train you to live through your midlife crisis as a woman and beat the fear of aging.

• Learn and practice the 3 thoughts that transform the fear of not being good enough to believing in yourself
• Discover the incredible gifts the past has given you that are your key to the promise that the past does not have to equal the future.
• Embrace the qualities of a Beautiful Warrior rather than living in the fear of losing control of your life in the second half.

Download here:  FREE e-Book:  How To Find Your Passionately Personal Midlife Mission

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Are you in the struggle of navigating midlife with grace and power? I hear ya!

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Click this link and embrace your journey as a Beautiful Warrior today.

Transcript

(00:01):

Welcome back, my lovely warriors. I am so excited to talk to you this week about what I have, what's been on my heart. It came out of a statement I made earlier this week. Um, I was pretty discouraged and I came out of my office and I said to my husband, I just don't wanna get old. I was feeling old, feeling wrinkled, feeling homely, feeling like my brain wasn't working right and nothing in my life was going right. And so as I was thinking, I thought, I don't wanna be that person that's thinking those thoughts.

(00:46):

I don't wanna approach life from that place of I feel old because I especially know what that does, where that takes you. I don't wanna go there, <laugh>. And so I decided to talk to you today, this in this week's podcast about three ways life has prepared you for midlife because we don't have to settle into that whole idea of I am old, I am getting older, I am reaching toward old age. We don't have to focus there. We have options and we're ready for this because life has prepared us.

(01:37):

You're standing at a crossroads in your life. You've walked the path that we call life for 40 plus years. That's a lot of time in human terms. You're smack dab in the middle section now, midlife, forties, fifties, sixties, you can't be who you were because there've been so many changes. The doors have closed. We can't go back to the past. So who are you supposed to be?

(02:10):

Now, let's say you're standing on a stage in Carnegie Hall, the spotlight is shining down on you, and I know that alone, most likely terrifies most of you, but for some reason you shout that question out to the hundreds who sit there watching you. Who am I supposed to be now? And the answer you get back is... crickets. Chirp, chirp, chirp. Nothing. A heavy silence, just blinking eyes. But in truth, no one answers because it's your stage. You are the one making the decisions. They just happen to be there observing you. They are those people walking their own paths that parallel yours.

(03:17):

Your answer is the only one that counts. You are the one actor in your own play, and that play is called 'My life'. That decision is not God's, ultimately, to make. That's not your spouse's or your kids or your boss's decision to make. It's yours. Who am I going to be now? And it's kind of cool. The answer to that question should be yours. It's your life.

(03:53):

So why is it so hard for you to choose for me to choose who we are going to be? Maybe it's because we really don't trust ourselves. You are so used to having others decide who you are supposed to be. So when the com, the time comes in your life, when you're standing at this crossroads with you needing to make the decision about which way you're going to go, woo, you freeze. After all, some of the choices you made in the past were pretty bad and ended up hurting you, embarrassing you, shaming you, even worse.

(04:38):

This might have evolved, might have come out of a situation with the person you married or the way you mothered or the job you chose or the feedback you received about how you did. Any one of those are all of those. By this time in our lives, many of us are limping along from wounds that were inflicted by the bombs that have gone off in our lives, shocking us nearly to death or by the boulders that have fallen on us, flattening us for a time or by the rocks thrown at us with well-intentioned or not so well-intentioned people throwing them thinking that we need to hear what they have to say.

(05:34):

Where do your thoughts go when you relive each one of those bombs, those boulders, those rocks that hit you right in your heart? What feelings come up for you? Many of us by midlife are afraid to make decisions because we're afraid that the past equals the future. The amazing news about life is this, listen closely now, the past does not equal the future.

(06:05):

Every phase is a new canvas and you hold the paintbrush in your hand. This is when you decide Beautiful Warrior or Shrinking Violet. Your beautiful warrior is you taking charge, you becoming the boss of your brain and not listening to all the stories that your brain tells you. The truth is that beautiful, amazing computer brain of yours is just trying to protect you. That's its job. It just wants to keep you safe. Its greatest recommendation will be to tell you to stay small, stay quiet. Don't rock the boat because the past equals the future, and you wanna stay out of trouble, but your brain is lying to you.

(07:12):

The truth is that the past has built an incredible strength in you. The painful experiences that you've been through were creating strength, creativity, resilience, resourcefulness, and a deep beauty that will keep deepening if you decide to step up and live your life, not hide from it. If you want to be the shrinking violet and just coast safely into the future, that's okay. It's your choice.

(07:53):

But if you want to feel alive, to be true to who you're meant to be, to embrace life like the adventure, it really is, then this next part is for you. I'm going to give you three beautiful warrior thoughts that you need to keep at the top of your mind if you're going to ride the rapids and feel the thrill of the risks yet to come. Are you ready? Okay.

(08:29):

Thought number one, I've overcome challenges before. Yes. Think back to some of the challenges you weren't sure you were even going to surviv.e Divorce. I can put my hand up with that one. The loss of someone you loved so much when the pain cut you so deeply, you were afraid you would never stop weeping, being slammed with a health issue, suffering, abuse, or the humiliation you experienced because of that bankruptcy. Maybe you felt the fear of not knowing how you were going to feed your kids next week.

(09:13):

Whatever terrifying or heart-wrenching story you had to walk through looking back, you made it to the other side. You're here today, maybe ragged, torn up and shaken, but you beautiful warrior lived to tell the tale and whether you realized it or not, this was because you showed up as your beautiful warrior. You tapped into the incredible resilience that you have inside taking one step at a time through whatever situation you were facing. You need to be proud of yourself for that. You need to stop, take a breath and acknowledge right now that you did it. You survived and you did it with style, with that pizzazz, with courage.

(10:28):

Now, here's where you really need to pay close attention, to think about stepping into that same resilience and strength. Imagine that just stepping into that character that got you through whatever the difficult situations were in the past. There's you - using the strengths in your tool belt in your arsenal, unafraid of bouncing back even if you are asked to face the most horrible thing that life throws at you see yourself as handling it and on that thought, there's you, also, using that same resilience and strengths to embrace the dreams that you have barely dared to say out loud.

(11:23):

Maybe you've been afraid to even picture the life you want to be living 10 years from now because you're just too afraid of being disappointed of someone letting you down or of you letting yourself down. What is it you're really afraid of? That you're not enough? Never were? Will never be? That you won't survive if you have to fail at life one more time? That you'll disintegrate into nothing if you have to take that person's criticism once more. Remember, Warrior, you've faced challenges before and come out on the other side and you came out stronger, more resourceful, more compassionate, more resilient than ever before.

(12:22):

Look inside, you'll find those strengths and so much more. You're not meant to shrink. You're meant to stand strong with purpose to shine your light no matter what. So keep that thought at the top of your mind. I've overcome challenges before I can do this again.

(12:51):

Now, thought number two related but expands on this. I have a wealth of experience and wisdom inside. You've made mistakes. You've fallen down. You've survived your mother-in-law. You've also had success. You raised kids. You learned to cook. You worked your way up to manager. You found a way to replace that car that broke down. You went to school and finished your degree while holding down a job and going through a divorce.

(13:33):

What happened as a result of you walking through any of these? What happened was you created a wealth of experience and wisdom to draw upon. Think about the conversations that you have with your friends or your partner or your kids. You know what works and what doesn't. You get what's going on when no one else sees it. You know what you want and what you don't. Even if you don't talk about it much, you've developed a sense of self that is grounded in everything you've been through. When I sit down with the women in my women on a mastermind, on a mission mastermind group, I'm amazed at the insights that each one of them has Inside.

(14:31):

You've walked through fire. And the fires of experience are giving you a clearer understanding of your values, your standards, your weaknesses, what makes you unique in ways you haven't even explored yet. You just haven't ever been challenged to see it. To record it, write it down. It's these things about yourself that have prepared you to have the confidence to make the decisions you need based on who you know you are - the decisions that you need to make to go into the future. You are better equipped to navigate challenges and uncertainties than at any other time in your life. That's what midlife is.

(15:24):

That's what the past gives us, and your sense of self is not fixed or stagnant. It's so exciting. Your sense of self will continue to evolve as you learn next year and and the next year and the next, you will keep growing if you allow yourself to trust what you know and what you're hungry to become. Be your own guide. Trust yourself and your instincts. You've been around the block a few times and you know what you're doing.

(16:08):

So that first thought to keep at the top of your mind as a beautiful warrior is I've overcome challenges before, and the second one is, I have a wealth of experience and wisdom inside. The third one is, I will never stop growing and changing - just what we were talking about a minute ago.

(16:40):

Finally, not only do you have a wealth of wisdom and experience stored up inside, but you also know how to use it. If you choose to accept whatever missions life offers you, you will grow and train yourself to handle the challenge. In the past few episodes, remember we've talked and looked closely at the five pillars of self-esteem as defined by researcher Robert Reacher. Now, these qualities are not for the fainthearted.

(17:18):

They are the qualities of a woman who can step into her beautiful warrior anytime she chooses. These are qualities she's consistently training. As my clients know, once you own these, you own your own identity in a way that's powerfully confident.

(17:41):

I am soft and strong. That's why this is the name of the this podcast. We are becoming women who are soft and strong. Soft is an acronym for strong, open, fearlessly loving and true to myself. Strong is what you've become on the inside. Having walked this path for a few decades, having lived through so much, you have the resources inside to create a life that looks like this. I know what I need to feel secure. I know how to help myself feel safe. I know who I am. I have created my own unique identity. I know how to accept myself and am comfortable wherever I am or whoever I'm with. I create my own place of belonging. I know my purpose. I know what I want to achieve. I know my strengths. I am more than capable.

(18:55):

I want you to imagine a bridge on one side is life in your first 45 years. On the other side is the rest of your life, however many years are chosen for you to live here. We don't know what the end year is. In the end, life is really about character, isn't it? Becoming reaching for our highest potential so that we die knowing that we gave it our all. We lived through every experience and did it with as much courage as we could. It isn't about what we do, it's about who we are. Living in the determination to grow is the ultimate definition of success, and really it feels the best. Seizing every chance possible to learn gives us that sense of progress and progress equals fulfillment.

(20:07):

To grow is to live. To live is to grow. That thought. I choose to grow even in the face of fear, focuses you on your character and eliminates the concept of failure. You will never fail if you choose to grow from whatever experience you're living in. Now, the steps over that bridge you're imagining from where you were in the past for decades to where you are right now. The steps are the strengths that you have grown. I call this the Strengths Bridge. Allowing yourself to focus on those strengths is magical. It's life-giving. It's the fuel for courage.

(21:04):

So the three thoughts I want you, let's just review them one more time. The three thoughts. One is I've overcome challenges before. Two, I have a wealth of experience and wisdom inside, and three, I will never stop growing and changing.

(21:29):

So I want you to do this. I want you to take a piece of paper and I want you just to draw a bridge in the middle. On the left side, draw you standing there, just a stick figure, nothing fancy. I love stick figures. Use them a lot on the right side. Draw you with your hands in the air because you're celebrating. What are you celebrating? You decide. It's your life. I can't tell you, but it's you going for three things you've decided you want to accomplish, and three qualities you've decided to grow. It's you becoming who you want to become.

(22:21):

Now, the third thing I want you to do is to look at your bridge. Every slat on that bridge is a part of what's making it. A bridge of strengths, enabling you to leap over the gap from where you are to the midlife you want to live. Write those strengths all along your bridge, each one, a slat that forms the floor that allows you to cross that bridge. Qualities like determination, learning, courage, wisdom, tenacity, stubbornness, purpose, love, openness, belief.

(23:06):

All of those things coming out of the past experiences, the fires that you have walked through. This is the gold of who you are. These are the qualities that were the results of your past. Qualities that you now carry with you to do whatever you want to do in the future. This is you. These are the strengths that live in you to create whatever life you want to create on the other side of your youthfulness. These strengths have been built into you - for you -so that you can count on them in the next part of your journey, in the middle part, to create your future. These strengths are yours, to create the legacy that you're leaving behind.

(24:05):

This is deep work. This is beautiful warrior training work. If you're having a bit of a time getting your head and your heart working together around this, please reach out to me. I'm excited to help you. And becoming a part of a Women on a Mission mastermind group may be just what you need to be able to continue becoming all you are meant to be in this life. Getting a foot up, establishing who you are, what the strengths are on your bridge, being able to walk over that bridge and decide who you want to be. Those three things you want to accomplish, those three qualities you want to build into your life from here on in. That's what our group talks about. That 12 week space helps you to embrace the person that you're becoming.

(25:09):

As your midlife coach. I'm here to support and guide you every step of the way. I don't wanna see one life wasted. I don't wanna see one life shrink. I want to see you become everything you were intended to be. Okay? That's all for this episode. Whoa, that was a pretty heavy one, but my beautiful warrior. I will see you in the next podcast where we're going to talk about the second leg in this journey, discovering your personal mission. I will talk to you then and have a beautiful week.