Be A Diamond

Two choices when you come to the crossroads called "Midlife".

We all go through it. No one escapes it because, well, Midlife is simply the 'middle' of your life. I totally feel your desire to escape it.

And we all get two choices:

1. Sit down. Stare at the closed door behind us for the rest of your life. 

• Imagine all the things you had back there and wish that your kids had stayed young forever,
•  your face wasn't wrinkled and 
• your job was as exciting as you felt on your first day there.

OR

2. Turn toward the future. The rest of your Path. 

• Even if it's foggy or vague.
• Look at your strengths you have despite the weaknesses.
• Look at the courage you have created by all the stuff you've walked through.
• Look at the difference you'd like to make in the world.
• Choose your Next Adventure. Make it a Mission.

In this episode, we're talking about you being compared to a piece of igneous rock (Ok, I know that doesn't sound great - read on. It's pretty amazing.)

And life is like 2 walls of enormously strong inner earth pressing on you and producing a heat that is unbearable.

Then a great earthquake happens and voila! You pop out as...you have to listen to the podcast to find out.

Anyway, this is how I see you and how you need to decide to let yourself see you if you are ever going to make it to the end of your life - through this middle stage - feeling passionate and beautiful and as if your life matters.

Come for a listen.

If you want help with discovering what's passionate and beautiful inside of the Midlife woman you are... come for a consultation. www.bernicemcdonald.com

Download here:  FREE e-Book:  How To Find Your Passionately Personal Midlife Mission

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Transcript

(00:01):

Hello my beautiful warriors. I love talking to you. It is so good to be here with women who are of like mind, right? We love community and we need that connection so much.

(00:18):

Alright, so I wanna ask you a question. Have you seen Michael Douglas lately, or Meryl Streep or Mel Gibson? My hubby and I have been into watching older movies in the last while. For some reason we celebrated the evening of our 11th anniversary with a double feature Romancing the Stone and the Jewel of the Nile. Remember those movies? One is the sequel of the other. The Jewel of the Nile follows, romancing the Stone. They were pretty exciting when they first came out. Some of the most action packed movies we had ever seen. What struck us both this time around was how young Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito are in those movies. I am so glad that they are still acting, but sometimes it catches me off guard.

(01:23):

They're looking very much older in present day. How did that happen? We should all, I think, find this kind of comforting actually, because we're not alone in this aging thing. Brilliant movie stars who were gorgeous and trim and revered are aging too. You know what's happening, right?

(01:50):

Okay, I have to do this. Here's a brief summary of how I believe we all have to look at this life or should look at this life because it just makes it so much easier. You're on a path when you enter that path. Uh, you're born and when you leave that path, you die. You a beautiful heart, are walking up hills and down valleys all along the path of your life. You go through puberty, one of those first major transitions. You leave home another biggie. You fall in love and you build a home with someone, have children, and all that happens in that phase.

(02:39):

And then you arrive at your forties. <laugh> and the life you created over the past 20 to 25 years shifts. Kids grow your career often peaks. You go through the death of a spouse, heaven forbid, or a divorce, heaven forbid, <laugh> or the loss of your parents either to poor health or to death. You lose your body, your youth and your mind and emotions change in lots of ways. Midlife is one of the biggest changes you will ever go through.

(03:24):

Here's where so many women get lost. You realize that your identity, excuse me, is changing. You no longer need it. In some ways you don't feel attractive often or smart. The life that you thought you were gonna have might not look as if it's ever going to happen. Others around you seem as if they're doing way better. Yeah, the comparison thing, in fact, the life, the man, the house, the job you chose might not look as appealing as they once were anymore.

(04:10):

Now you could lean back into all those losses, all the losses that come with his season, and just let that become your identity. Or instead, you could choose to lean forward into creating a legacy of courage. So the question is this, are you leaning back, letting yourself sink into all the losses as if they were weights pulling you down, holding you back, or are you letting? And are you letting that mean that the best part of your life is done now the door is closed and now all you have ahead of you is coasting, surviving.

(05:02):

Think of it like being on the edge of a cliff. You're somewhere in your late forties, fifties, sixties. Behind you is all the life that you've lived up until this moment. Remember the path all behind you. Your toes are hanging over looking at a cavs on below. You're on the edge of the cliff. A river, maybe the river with the water you could just sink into because you're weighted down with all that loss runs below loss. Just as a side note here, loss always requires a time of grieving. There's a time and a place for it for sure. When we lose something or someone precious to us, we always have to take time to catch up

(05:57):

To the new reality, adapt, adjust to the fact that that part of our lives is now gone and we miss it terribly. What you may not have considered in this whole time of midlife is that it is a time of loss and we need to take some time to acknowledge that it's the loss of the busy life we had as a mom. The loss of our young face <laugh>, how many times do people moan? How many times have I moaned over how old I look in pictures? It's the loss of opportunity. It may seem as if that's all behind us, the loss of certainty. Something we value and need so much, the loss of certainty that we made the right choices, that we live in the life that's right for us.

(07:02):

It's could be the loss of our love lives by death or divorce as we said before, or by just feeling as if we don't even know that person anymore. Now, these are all the common signs, a midlife crisis. And yes, they apply to women too. Women have midlife crises. All it is, is a crisis of identity when things shift in your life. My sister was just telling me the story of one of our most beloved aunts who cornered her one day when she was only about 25 or so, married only four, five years with tiny kids. That was my sister. My aunt told her all the woes of her terrible marriage, <laugh>. My aunt was most likely in her late forties midlife in a marriage. That was anything but what she thought it would be, and she was angry about that. For some reason, she felt like my sister would be would understand, and she poured her broken heart out to her.

(08:15):

A little overwhelming to say the least, for someone who's only 25, and this is your aunt, my aunt, this beautiful, loving, caring woman who my mom said would never hurt a fly when she was younger, transformed into a very angry, disillusioned, critical woman as she grew older glimpses of her kind. Heart always surfaced now and again, but her health and even worse, her spirit broke. She died in her eighties. A woman who I believe lived in oppression most of her life as a coach. I have seen far too many women stay stuck in situations because they are more afraid to take steps out of a hurtful situation than they are of staying in what they know. This is the sad tale of being in an abusive relationship, right? Or stuck in a job that you hate. But we are living in a time in history when we have more opportunity than ever to make those decisions for ourselves.

(09:35):

Not just in relationships, but also for our health, our career, our family, our finances. To get out of addiction. We have options and you lovely warrior walking your path. Make the decisions about what you do at any stage in any situation. It's a wonderful gift, a privilege to have as I have walked along my own path. The thing that has stayed consistent for me is seeing what I see in you. Life, there's no doubt is tough. I had to find a way for myself to come to terms with that. And the only way that made sense for me is to go back to simple life is about one, how I see myself and two, how I see others. I love the story of a diamond. I'll tell you why. <laugh>, we have gone here if you're just bear with me. A diamond is formed from a kind of igneous rock called kimberlite.

(11:01):

Deep in the earth, two tectonic plates of rock collide, applying incredible pressure and heat on the igneous rock that is caught in between them. It's so intense that the Kimber light undergoes a transformation. It changes the rock from igneous rock comes da, da, da. You guessed it. Beautiful diamonds. Guess what brings them to the surface? They're not done yet. A volcanic eruption.

(11:40):

And guess what reveals the diamonds. Once they're on top of the surface, weathering and erosion, ugh, it's a tough life for a diamond, right before we ever get to enjoy their beauty. Now, does this remind you of anything, maybe a human life? I love how there's so much in nature that copies our experiences. If we look closely, the difference between us and most items in nature though is that we have choices about how we turn out. When I see all the women who are coming through that middle time of life, you know what I see?

(12:29):

I, through my eyes, through my heart, see diamonds life with all of the bombs that go off unexpectedly, all the boulders, a drop on us out of the blue and flatten us for a time life with all the rocks that other people throw at us from their paths, words, expectations, assumptions that get chucked at us and hurt.

(12:55):

Even with all these horrific experiences, we can choose to be diamonds. You get to choose how you see yourself When you come to me for coaching, this is what I do. I help you to see yourself as a diamond in the rough. Every woman is. We go mining for the diamond and hold that strong beauty up to symbolize your midlife self. I call it the meaningful midlife process because it is a process and it bridges your past chapters with basically the rest of your life. Now, you can do this on your own too.

(13:47):

And there's three steps to the plan that I have honed out of all of the experience with women and coaching women and talking to women that had, first of all, step number one is you build a bridge. You find all the strengths that you have grown as you've walked through the life you've lived up until this point.

(14:15):

Secondly, you create a mission for yourself. Something good that resonates with your deepest heart and you have it in you. Sometimes life crowds it out and hides it like clouds in front of the sun. But you have something in you, a passion that excites you. There are so many ways that this can take shape. This is a combination of who you already are and who you want to become.

(14:52):

And the last step, the third step, which brings it all together and creates something so exciting for you to look forward to.

(15:03):

You map out a life adventure plan. You look into the future and you decide the steps you will take to put the mission you've chosen into action. It's no good just having it sit there as a dream, as something that you'd like to do someday. You need to put that into action. So you describe the thoughts that you need to have to bring about the results that are over the moon, fulfilling, joyful, and create an energy in you that is not about having physical stamina, it's about having a life.

(15:47):

The life that makes you laugh easily, dance often, and distracts you. Even if heaven forbid your health disintegrates or if life sends you one of its great challenges, you have this mission to focus on. It's a life that requires you to train e, courage, focus, and love. And yes, you want that because it leads to you showing up in the world as the diamond that only you can be.

(16:31):

Now, what I want you to do is to lean forward today into this future, the legacy future. Be a diamond. Every diamond is as unique as you are. There are no two the same anywhere. Just like your fingerprints, just like your d n a. You are so unique.

(16:58):

Now, if this is resonating with you at all, if you feel that pull inside to know what the diamond in you looks like, then start leaning into finding out. I would love to help you with that. So let's talk. I'll put how you can reach me in the show notes. You can also download the free very short guide that I have created for this very reason to help you define your own passionately personal mission. You know, looking back how crucial the decisions that you make all along your path are they always, always, always lead to a result.

(17:49):

So think ahead to next year, five years, 10 years from now. This is all part of your adventure plan. Look ahead. Imagine if today, right now you made the decision, no matter how angry or depressed or hopeless you've been feeling, you made the decision to accept the challenges that life and God send your way. Like being that piece of igneous rock caught between two tectonic plates deep in the earth with the pressure and that the intense heat, and you let yourself transform, become a diamond.

(18:37):

Imagine if you then were to take your diamond self out into the world and encourage others to be strong, to be courageous, to be happy, to see what's light and good and precious about life. Your mission should you choose to accept it. Notice the mission impossible reference there. Should you choose to accept it, your mission will do this in some way cuz you are a beautiful warrior and you have a light to bring to the world.

(19:17):

Yes, you could lean back and sink into all the losses that come with this season of midlife and just stay there until the day you die. But instead, why don't you choose to lean forward into creating a legacy of courage? Doesn't that sound so much more appealing? Start pursuing your diamond self and find your mission coach with me. I'll put the link in the show notes. Download the ebook. Just get started. Follow me on Instagram, email me bernice@bernicemcdonald.com.

Visit my website www.bernicemcdonald.com. I just want you to see that you have a diamond inside and I will talk to you in the next podcast.