Brave Enough To Be Strong on the Inside

Bombs drop on you.

Boulders flatten you, dropping out of nowhere.

Someone throws a rock at you - fast! Ouch! It stings. It leaves a mark.

LIFE HAPPENS. What you do next is the MOST IMPORTANT DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE IN THIS LIFE.

Who will you be?

Will you crumble, give up, shrink away because it's all just too hard?

Or will you stand up again. Refuse to be defeated. And become a woman who looks fear in the face and declares, "I will not run. I will become stronger."

S.O.F.T. & Strong is being proud of who you are. It's knowing that you will stand again and again and again.

The 'S' is for Strong on the Inside (so you can be Soft on the outside) which is "a deep, unstoppable belief in yourself. It doesn't depend on the actions of anyone else. And it doesn't depend on your circumstance."

In this episode, here's what we're talking about:

(00:09) Beauty from the inside out – a 70 year old vibrant woman

(02:49)  How Inner Strength looks on you

(06:15) 6 ways to grow that Inner Strength
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Chapters

• 0:44 Beauty from the inside out – a 70 year old vibrant woman
• 3:24 How Inner Strength would look on you
• 6:50 6 Ways to grow Inner Strength

Transcript

(00:01):

Hi, gorgeous. Welcome back to S.O.F.T. & Strong. Here we are aging beautifully. Here we are becoming the real person that we are inside, leaving behind all the pretend stuff and becoming who we really are. I'm finding more and more evidence of the fact that so much of this is about mindset. It's not about your looks. It's not about even doing the healthy things, although that is all important and kind of comes out of your mindset, right?

(00:39):

But it's so much about who you think you are and how you see other people. The two things in life that make it so simple and help you to understand yourself. I was just reading a blog by a young lady named Erin Jahns, and she was talking about her parents. She says, "My 70 year old parents are my superheroes. Both my mom and dad overflow with richness, constant curiosity, eerily on-point perceptiveness and a non-relenting thirst for life, which I'm convinced is why they look and act half their age. Especially my mom.

(01:30):

Sorry, dad. When I tell people my mom's actual age, especially if they've met her face to face, they never believe me and not in an 'Oh, I need to act surprised in order to be polite' way. Nope. They're genuinely shocked. And typically guess that she's at least 15 years younger than she actually is.

(01:55):

I often forget this myself and it's only been more recently as I've become more immersed in beauty and wellness because of this lovely job of mine that it's more of a point of fascination for me. Not only do doctors frequently tell her she's healthier than other patients half or even a third her age but she also has this dewy plum glowy skin of a Michelangelo cherub and a shocking amount of passionate energy."

(02:28):

Isn't that the way you wish you would hope that your daughter would describe you? A woman filled with passionate energy who has found the richness, the real wealth in life. Constant curiosity, a non relenting thirst for life.

(02:49):

I don't know about you, but that's who I want to be. That's a vision. That's part of the vision that I have for myself. A lot of that comes from this thing we call 'inner strength', which is kind of elusive in lots of ways. But when you think of the word S.O.F.T., the acronym being Strong on the Inside, which is the S ,so that you can be soft on the outside.

(03:21):

The O is for being Open to the magic to opportunity in life. F is to be Fearlessly Loving so that your heart is filled and overflowing all the time. And the T is knowing who you are being True to Yourself today. We're going to be talking about being Strong on the Inside because having an inner strength to face whatever happens to you in life is absolutely crucial, right?

(03:59):

You know this because you've already walked on the path this far, you are a heart, a beautifully, incredible heart filled with so many gifts. So much learning from everything you've been through in your past. You have your own unique abilities. You have your own unique perspective on life. You have your own needs. You have your own values.

(04:29):

You are a beautiful heart. And that means that when you grow, when you look inside, you need to see the strength you have grown there because that is what is going to take you forward into the future. That's why I want to talk about each of these elements. About growing them and developing them no matter what's going on around us. And actually I love the definition of inner strength being "a deep, unstoppable belief in yourself. It doesn't depend on the actions of anyone else. And it doesn't depend on your circumstance." Sorry, circumstances. That's a tough one to say, apparently. It is something that you have inside that's just always there.

(05:34):

No matter what happens. I have been talking a lot about you being that heart on a path. As you're walking along, these BOMBS will go off, just turning your world upside down. BOULDERS fall on you flattening you for a time. And other people on their paths will throw ROCKS at you. So out of their own need, for some reason, to put their expectations on you or to just take their frustration with life, their own sadness about life, out on you.

(06:15):

When you can see life like that - that you are an individual who makes your own decisions - there is something different that happens. You start to narrow down who you are. You start to see who that person is and who you want to be going forward. So I want to give you SIX THINGS about being strong today, about how to do this. Remember, I have told you that 80% of getting anything you want, 80% of achieving any goal, any dream that you want to reach is about mindset.

(07:03):

It's all about how you feel in your heart and how you communicate that to your head. 20% is the actual how. So this, what we are going to talk about here in the next few minutes is about mindset. It's about who you need to be and who Erin's mom was, the 70 year old woman who is actively engaged in her life, but it's not about the outside. It's not even about her beautiful skin routine. It's a about who she is on the inside.

(07:43):

That's being S.O.F.T. Being S.O.F.T. leads to being strong. Being open. Being vulnerable. Being loving. Being true to the person that you are. And knowing that that's who you are. Knowing that inner strength is that unstoppable belief in yourself. So how do you grow that inside? These are some things that I want you to think about. These are principles we're going to be talking about a law in this podcast this year because it's all about IDENTITY. It's all about you becoming the person that you are.

(08:30):

No more pretending. No more crumbs. YOU - taking the whole cake. 
So the first thing is remind yourself of who you are every day. Again, remind yourself of who you are every day. This means practicing gratitude, remembering the sweet moments from your life. That's the first step of reminding yourself every day. It says, "If you take a little time for yourself every day, 20 minutes, 30 minutes to start your day just to remember who you are because for some reason, when we go to sleep, we forget. We wake up often with all our worries weighing us down. You have to bring yourself back to the place where you remind yourself of who you are and who you are going to be today and into the future."

(09:32):

So that means also visualizing where you want to go. That means having that picture in your mind and every morning, whichever way works for you, to bring that back to yourself. "This is who I want to be. These are my values. These are my dreams. I want to see myself accomplishing that. In that way you are telling your brain where you want to go and, because you're giving it clear direction, it will find the way to get you there.

(10:06):

It's also important to sweet talk to yourself. To tell yourself how much you believe in who you are. To say, "This is who I am. I am a person who chooses to love first. I am a person who stands on honesty and integrity." You need to sweet talk yourself to remind yourself of who you are. Do that every day.

(10:35):

Secondly, remember that decisions are the power in your life. As I said, you are a heart walking on a path. You. An individual. You arrive in this life on your own. You will leave it on your own. Therefore, you make the decisions. You make the decisions about your life. And it's those decisions that shape your life. One of those decisions needs to be to stop the stories that are holding you back. You decide who you're going to be. You don't allow other people tell you who you are.

(11:20):

That's part of that inner strength, that unshakable belief in yourself. You listen to what others say. You take it in, you consider it but you throw away what isn't true. And you know what's true because of what's in your heart. So you take those stories that are holding you back and causing you to have all of these emotions of doubt or insecurity. And you change those stories. You change them into stories that say, "I am an intelligent person who understands who I am. And I know that I may not be perfect - but I am growing." You tell yourself stories about you being ENOUGH about you wanting to create a life that has certain qualities to it above other things.

(12:18):

YOU decide who you are going to be. And it's those decisions about how you handle things, how you are going to handle things. It's those decisions every day that shape your future. So start making those decisions right now. They are your power. The decisions that are right for you. The decisions that say, "These support the person that I want to become."

(12:47):

Third, you set a higher standard. So along with making those decisions, you, decide that you, instead of beating yourself up for your failures, you decide that you're going to learn from a situation. When you fall down, you get up. And you say, what can I learn from this? You don't call yourself all kinds of names about who you are and how you wish you were different. You say, what can you ask yourself? Powerful questions. Like HOW can I learn from this?

(13:23):

What new standard can I put in my life so that this doesn't happen again? So that the next time this comes up again, I can be in a stronger place. I can respond in a better way. In Rising Strong. I love a quote by Brene Brown. She says, "I believe that vulnerability, the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome is the only path to more love, belonging and joy. There is a downside, however, to taking this path, she tells us you're going to stumble fall and get your ass kicked." But despite that, the only way to feel so courageous to respect yourself is to show up. So set a higher standard and keep walking.

(14:27):

The fourth thing is, discover your purpose. What do you want to give back to the world? This is such a key to inner strength. When you understand why you're here, what you're meant to do. When you know that, it automatically makes you stronger because you feel more of being that individual walking your path. That heart that was created for a certain thing. It's also a way of using everything from the past to take forward into the future, to be able to impact other people's lives. By giving them a warning, by giving them a knowledge. Inspiring them because of what you've learned - because of who you are. And you will discover the subtle way to do it, or the bold way to do it.

(15:25):

Whichever is your calling, whichever you are gifted to do. That all comes together. When you're looking back on your life and you ask yourself what will be my biggest accomplishment based on who I am right now? And also looking at your biggest regret. That will show you where your purpose is at. That will show you what you wish you could have done. And that is always a clue for what you want to do in the future.

(16:01):

And remember always...there are options. Don't go into the place where you think I'm too old. There's no way I'm going to be able to do that because that will shut your brain down. And it will go there. It will go to that place of focus. You need to give your brain as much opportunity to find the way to show you how you can still live with purpose. You can still make a difference no matter what your age is, no matter what your circumstances are.

(16:40):

The fifth is, if you can't, you must transform your shoulds to musts. This is really, at the core, about courage. If you are going to grow that incredibly beautiful inner strength that you have in you, then you need to find the way around the things that you're putting off. The things that you're really, down deep, afraid of doing. If you can't, you must. I know. This is scary.

(17:17):

Believe me. I know. This is why I went zip-lining. This is why I walked on fire at a Tony Robbins conference. If you can't, you MUST because when you do the things that look IMPOSSIBLE - I'm not saying they have to be walking on fire, they can be much smaller than that. They can be having a hard conversation or applying for a new job or going back to school.

(17:49):

Those sorts of things can inspire you and show you that you still have it, babe. You can do what you are afraid of doing and doing what you're afraid of doing even if you don't do it perfectly. Even if you're terrified while you're doing it -that was me zip-lining - when you are done, you will look back and say, 'I gave it 100%. I tried it. I did it. I made it. I am so much better for it as a person. If you can't, you must that's number five. And this is so key. All of these things to becoming strong on the inside.

(18:37):

Number six, let go of the hurt from the past and be brave enough to see it differently. So key. Let me tell you this. Nothing happened in the past that didn't somehow grow something stronger in you. I don't care what it was. It made you stronger. And it's not that I don't care what it was. I know that you've been terribly hurt. I know that have walked through a place that absolutely devastated you. The bomb went off and you thought you weren't going to make it. I know that you've had times like that but every one of those times, if you're brave enough, just to shift your perspective away from the hurt - every one of those times made you stronger in some way.

(19:43):

And if I were to ask you, 'What did you learn from that situation?' When you came out of that, what was the result? What was the strength you found in yourself that came about because you went through that experience. I know that you will be able to pinpoint a strength. I've talked to many women and asked them that same question, asked them to look at what made them stronger because of what they went through.

(20:18):

And they have always been able to come up with these strengths. Strengths like perseverance. Strengths like compassion. Strengths like empathy. Those sorts of things are grown in you. And so you need to let the hurt go to realize that other people were walking their paths, doing the things that they felt they needed to do. And you may have been in the line of fire or part of the fallout.

(20:52):

But as a result, you are a stronger person. You have more to give to someone else because you understand their pain. Because you know what they went through. So be in the present. Live in the present. Let the past be on the past path. That's the path behind you. Those are the strengths that grew you to be the person you are today. Let the hurts go and, instead, see the strengths that came out of it because you went through those situations.

(21:35):

Stop feeding yourself disempowering stories of past mistakes and failures. And instead, change the story in your mind. Come up with an new empowering story that creates the gifts that you have to contribute, to give to others. Those gifts can be in you when you are 70, when you're 80, when you are 92 sitting in a retirement home, talking to someone else.

(22:10):

Those gifts can be what you use to encourage that person, to lighten their load, to help them see something from a different perspective that just might make it easier for them. You have no idea how you, if willing to show up in your strength, how that will be taken in and how it will impact others.

(22:43):

I do want to give you a number seven here and that is "focus" because it just goes along with all of this. Focus on becoming who you want to be, put your focus on the future goals - and the sky is the limit. Your brain will go where you tell it to go. It's just that amazing. When you focus on where you want to go, your brain will start to show how to get there. So release the past, look forward, let the past be the fire that refines the gold of who you are and live in the present with an eye on becoming more of who you want to be in the future.

(23:36):

So those are seven ways that you can become stronger inside. I'm going to repeat them quickly here. 1. Remind yourself of who you are every day. Every day. 2. Decisions are the power in your life.

(23:53):

You are a heart walking, a path. You make the decisions and those decisions shape your life. 3. Set, a higher standard 4. Discover your purpose. 5. If you can't, you must transform your shoulds to musts six, let go of the hurt from the past and see it differently. 7. Focus. Watch your focus. What are you thinking about mostly every day of your life? Make sure you're shifting that to focusing on becoming who you want to be.

(24:40):

So this is the beginning of talking about being Strong on the Inside. That beautiful inner strength. Next time we're going to talk about being Open to the magic, to the opportunity in life and how that sets you free and how that creates in you a desire, a thirst to want to live life to the fullest, every ounce of it to squeeze every bit of sparkle out of it, if you will. Alright. Thank you so much for being here and I will talk to you in the next podcast.

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I'm Bernice McDonald and I'm a Mindset Coach. I help women beyond 50 who are seeing their dreams disappearing off into the distance as they age and feeling the fear of inevitably becoming invisible.  Together we identify your vision, break through the wall of fear and past stories  to develop a plan that will shift your eyes to a much more exciting focus  other than "getting old". 

You will be ecstatic as you see yourself stepping into your purpose, finding the courage to make those bold decisions and, best of all, falling in love with this next phase. Embracing the rest of  life instead of sitting it out.  Meet with me to set up your Personal Aging Beautifully Vision