S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough For Love

Episode 41: 5 Ways To Grow Your "Brave Enough" Even If You Haven't Found Love Yet

July 02, 2021 Bernice McDonald Season 1 Episode 41
S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough For Love
Episode 41: 5 Ways To Grow Your "Brave Enough" Even If You Haven't Found Love Yet
Show Notes Transcript

What if...it's not out there? What IF love is not in the cards for me?

In this podcast we are going to address this FEAR and how, if you are becoming Brave in your life, you are going to attract love.

Confidence in who you are creates a confidence in who you are AS A WOMAN IN LOVE.

5 Steps to growing and nurturing the woman that are who lives in SUCCESS, however that looks for her:

  1. Grow more into a strong identity every day.
  2. Feed your mind at least 30 minutes a day.
  3. Move! Heighten your energy by moving your body and being intentional about how you talk to yourself.
  4. Focus on where you want to go, not on your FEAR.
  5. Give more than you receive.

And #6...book a consultation call with me. To see if you want to work with me, yes, but MORE than that to start moving you toward your dream. We'll determine where you are and where you want to go and the steps you can take to get you there. Be brave!

Pssst! Did you know that more women who lay out exactly what they want in love find that love - and in way less time? Your brain will find what you tell it you want. That's what I did - just after I turned 50 - and now I lead women through the process one on one, step by step at Brave Enough For Love.  Are you ready? Answer these 5 Questions to find out.

How you see yourself matters. And if you see yourself as a diamond, you are going to live like a diamond. If you see yourself as disadvantaged, as wounded, you're going to live like that. When you are being Brave Enough for love, you are being Brave Enough to be okay with being yourself, with all of your flaws, with all of your amazing qualities, all the treasures you have collected along your path.

You're being awesome with who you are. You're being awesome with who you are. What do you do when you're a woman pushing beyond 50, and you wish you could just fast forward past the dating parts. How do you find the love and the guy, you know, is out. You step up - to be Brave Enough. You refuse to give up on the magic. You create a man plan and you go for it. One day at a time. One date at a time I'm Bernice.

(1m 20s):
McDonald, your Love Coach. And that's what I had to do. And that's what we're talking about in this podcast. Brave Enough For Love. So come on in. I think one of the most shocking realizations I had after I had been out of my marriage for a while, my divorce was final and I'd been knocking my head against a brick wall with a guy I thought was going to be the solution to my future. And I realized he wasn't.

(2m 2s):
He actually broke my heart worse, or I shouldn't say he broke my heart. My heart was shaken up worse by him than it was by coming out of my marriage. And I realized now it was because I had such hope. I am one of those women who believed that true love was out there. I had no doubts somehow I was going to find true love and it wasn't going to be with my ex husband because I had been miserable for many years - probably for lots of reasons.

(2m 44s):
Yes, I met, I wasn't perfect. I did a lot of things wrong. And looking back, I see that now, but long story short, that relationship just wasn't working. We were like oil and water. But when I came out, I didn't come out with the idea that love was not a real thing. I knew it wasn't love that was to blame. It was the mix of the two of us. It was the relationship I was trying. So I thought the first one that came along was going to be the one that worked out and I fell hard because it was an affirmation.

(3m 34s):
It was a confirmation of my belief. So when that all fell to pieces and he actually married somebody half my age, oh my goodness, you cannot believe the grief I went through. It was a test of believing who I was and whether I was good enough and whether anybody would find me to be good enough. I had to find the way through those thoughts or I knew I was going to be doomed.

(4m 14s):
I also had to realize that things just don't fall into place the way you want them to. And isn't that just true of life? I mean, there you are walking on your path alone. You enter this world alone. You're going to leave this world alone. Everything in between those two moments is up to you and it really comes down to decisions, doesn't it? You decide how you're going to face things. You decide how you are going to live your life. You decide who you're going to listen to. You decide who's going to tell you who you are.

(4m 57s):
And so thankfully through all of my searching and the coaching courses I took and observing other people, observing myself, I began to realize that, hey, if I'm going to make it through this life, I have to do something with me. I cannot rely on somebody else coming in and, you know, shoring me up, being my foundation, being my rock. I had to face the fact that I could be alone for the rest of my life. And the question was then, if that's the case, who do I want to be?

(5m 43s):
I'm going to tell you about five things that I do all the time in my life. And I realize now, even that, now that they're written down, that I've been doing these for a very long time. Fortunately, I started taking coaching courses and I really got into following Tony Robbins. And what he said was so practical. It was real. It was more real and more applicable to my life than anything had ever been. And I am so grateful that I did that.

(6m 23s):
So I want to tell you, because recently he listed the five things he does in his life. And I realized, hey, I do those five things too. So I want to share them with you because my beautiful ladies, you need to be active, actively moving forward while you're single. You need to learn to enjoy your own company. You know, one of the greatest things I did for myself, and it was only, I think it was the summer before I actually met my Knight in shining armor. I was building myself.

(7m 5s):
I went out and I bought a car - all by myself. And then I took myself on a vacation and I went to a seminar about building my coaching business because that is what I wanted to do. I wanted to leave my paid job. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to make a difference in the world. And I knew that at that point, and it was so exhilarating to drive my own car, go to Calgary, huge city, where, which I was terrified to drive in. I drove right to the center of the city, got myself to that seminar, which I won't tell you I had a terrible experience there, but I lived through it.

(7m 53s):
I negotiated it. And I lived to tell the tale. In fact, I became so much more excited about what my life was about. That was one of the first experiences that I did that really began to help me understand I'm going to be okay. Even if I'm by myself, I'm going to be okay. And that's awesome. So here are the five things that you need to be doing all the time continuously. This is what I do. And this still to this day, as a person, not as a wife, not as somebody's lover, not as somebody's mom or somebody's daughter or somebody's friend, or to please anybody except to grow, to become the person I am.

(8m 48s):
So, #1 is I have, I am always working on having an Empowering Identity. I need to know who I am. I need to know this is who I am, and this is what I do. And this is why I make the decisions I do. This is why I take chances. This is why I take opportunities because this is who I am. Remember, as I'm always saying, for those of you who have listened for a while, life is simple.

(9m 29s):
It's about how you see yourself and how you see others. Those two things affect everything you do. How you see yourself matters. And if you see yourself as a diamond, you are going to live like a diamond. If you see yourself as disadvantaged, as wounded, you're going to live like that. So your identity is absolutely key and stay tuned because this is what I want to build. When you are being Brave Enough for love, you are being Brave Enough to be okay with being yourself - with all of your flaws, with all of your amazing qualities, all the treasures you have collected along your Path.

(10m 27s):
You're being awesome with who you are. Secondly. So the first one is develop an Empowering Identity. The second one is Feed Your Mind Daily. I don't care what you're doing, how much, how busy your day is take time to find somebody that you respect, whether it's an author, whether it's on a podcast, whether it's on a, a book on audible, 30 minutes, learn, grow, learn from somebody, learn how to be a better human being.

(11m 11s):
Learn how to think better. Feel better, heal better, be better. Learn how to do what it is that you love to do in a better way. Because if you're not growing, you're dying. Simple truth. Number 3, Create Energy In Your Body. Every day. Ladies, don't become a couch potato. Don't use the excuse of having a bad back, sore knee, etc., etc. Get out there and move. Even if it's for five minutes, go for a Brisk walk.

(11m 52s):
Learn to do yoga. Your energy level matters. If you were going to be everything that you can be, you need to have energy because that's what you bring into a room. That's what you bring on a date. That's what you bring into a relationship. Even with yourself. It's the level of energy that you have an energy starts with moving your body. So find a way to exercise every day. Even if you hate exercise and the exercise is something that you wouldn't even call, exercise, move your body dance, put on your favorite music for two songs and dance.

(12m 43s):
Feel it. You will be amazed at how differently you feel after. So #1, develop an Empowering Identity. #2 Feed Your Mind Daily. #3 Create Energy In Your Body. And it's not only moving that creates energy. It's also how you talk to yourself and what you focus on, which goes back to how you feed your mind, right? #4 is Focus On Where You Want To Go, Not On What You Fear. I have to bring myself back here every day, all the time, because what happens when we wake up, when w've been sleeping, I don't know why, but our minds automatically will go to a place where we wake up fearful, where we are scared, where the first things you think about is all the things that could happen or how you don't like being where you are.

(13m 52s):
And maybe you're going to have to stay there for the rest of your life. You need every day to find a way in the morning to refocus. So take your time. Have your, your poem that you read, have your affirmations that you have there that work for you. The things that you tell yourself that you believe in. Spend that time meditating and focusing on your, breathing on prayer, putting your mind on something higher on the bigger purpose. See yourself on that path.

(14m 31s):
Walking that path, being strong, being powerful. This is where we go back to our identity, right? Who are you? Remind yourself of that first thing every day. Focus on where you want to go draw that picture for yourself and bring yourself back there rather than focusing on what you fear. This works. Because I am a very fearful pessimistic person, naturally, and I am training myself and I am so blown away by how filling my mind with the things that help me grow has changed.

(15m 13s):
How I think, how I see life, how I am inside. It really works. And if you are going to find love again, you need to be this person who is growing, who's Brave Enough to face anything that comes along. And to do that, you have to believe ahead of time that you can do that. And you will focus on the solution on where you want to go rather than on what you fear. #5 - Give More Than You Receive. We all have needs.

(15m 53s):
The six heart needs We call them. The four human needs, the first four, are our needs for certainty, for variety, which is challenge and fun and things that shake us up. The third one is our need for significance. And the fourth one is our need for love and connection but we can't stay there. We often get so busy filling those four heart needs that we forget about the needs of the spirit. We've talked about the fifth heart need, which is the need to grow. The sixth heart need takes us even further. That's the need to contribute.

(16m 34s):
You find fulfillment when you go outside yourself, when you are giving to somebody else, when you are focusing on someone else's pain, lifting them up, helping them to find an easier way in life, whether it's through your words, through your encouragement, through a business, a foundation that you're building, something that helps poverty or disadvantaged women, something that helps children who are abandoned or something that actually creates a better system for businesses. Wherever your gifts lie, you need to be finding a way to give in a way that's bigger than you in a way that takes your mind off of yourself and makes you realize, hey, I'm here on my Path in this world for a reason.

(17m 35s):
I have something to give. I have someone to love. A song to sing. A light to shine. I need to let that happen. Give more than you receive and you will be amazed at how the time flies, how you love your life and how you begin to forget about that one piece of the pie which is going after love. And the fact that you're alone. Actually, that will begin to diminish and your contribution in life will become bigger.

(18m 17s):
All right, those are the five things that I am working on every day. And the five areas that are going to help you to become that courageous, brave woman who goes after love. Because as you are walking your path, doing all these things, I promise you, you are going to take brave steps to find love again. You are going to enjoy dating because it's just going to be about getting to know the man you're with, making new friends, about doing interesting things with somebody new or with somebody you enjoy.

(18m 57s):
So let's just recap. The five things: 1. Develop an empowering identity, work on that all the time. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Secondly, Feed your mind daily, at least 30 minutes of growth from somebody you respect information. You enjoy third, create energy in your body. Get moving. Watch how you talk to yourself. Lift yourself up all the time. 4. Focus on where you want to go and not on what you fear and fifth - Give more than you receive.

(19m 46s):
Okay. I would love to talk to you. I know how it is to not want to take that step and talk to somebody because you're so afraid they're going to pull you into some kind of program, something that's going to cost you the earth. But I promise you - when we meet for our consultation, what we're going to talk about is where you are right now on your path and where you want to go. And how you can close that gap. How you can become that woman who is Brave Enough for love. Yes, I will tell you how you can work with me, but that is totally up to you. All I want you to do is get started.

(20m 27s):
So make that phone call, book that appointment and come and talk to me and let's get you moving forward, because, remember you need to focus on where you want and NOT on what you FEAR. All right. I will talk to you in the next podcast.