S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough For Love

Episode 40: How To Be As Confident As Wonder Woman On A Date

June 24, 2021 Bernice McDonald Season 1 Episode 40
S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough For Love
Episode 40: How To Be As Confident As Wonder Woman On A Date
Show Notes Transcript

Wonder Woman? Excuse me? I'm way beyond 50, flabby and far from being able to fly...so you're asking way too much.

Not asking you to LOOK like Wonder Woman.. . I'm asking you if you SEE yourself as someone who's like Wonder Woman?

What do you think? Could you?

How you see yourself is how you come across - in life AND on a date.

In this episode, I'm going to show you how this affects the way you even approach a date which affects how you feel and how a man feels when he's with you.

Shouldn't it be about both of you just having fun,  enjoying your time together - no matter where that leads?

Here's a hint at the 3 Courage Pillars to help you step into being Brave Enough For Love:

Courage Pillar #1: Your "Why". 
When you live from your BEST self, you will automatically love from that place too. Is this you?

Courage Pillar #2: The Truth Is:
You live, as we all do, in your Comfort Zone. You're telling yourself a Story about why you can't get out of it. Stay in that Story - and you will never find the love you want.

Courage Pillar #3: Hope-Filled Action:
Use these ideas to nail down YOUR Courageous Identity - the part of you that is Brave. Yes, Brave Enough For Love.

Come on in and have a listen!

Here's the link I mention in the podcast - the Man Plan Strategy Call with me. 

Remember, we're talking about being brave enough for love here. Bring Wonder Woman on a date. Where is her focus going to be? Well, Wonder Woman has a life. She has this date that she's on is only a part of her life. It's not her whole life. She's not looking at this man. And thinking, is this a guy I'm going to marry. What she's doing is she's looking at it as a fun evening out. She's decided to go out on this date because she wants to meet interesting people. She wants to connect with somebody - with a man - just to enjoy an evening and think maybe the possibilities are there.

Maybe not. But that's not the point of her being there. What do you do when you're a woman pushing beyond 50 and you wish you could just fast forwar, past the dating parts? How do you find the love? And the guy you know is out there. You step up to be brave enough for love. You refuse to give up on the magic. You create a man plan and you go for it. One day at a time. One date at a time. I'm Bernice. McDonald, your Love Coach. And that's what I had to do.

(1m 30s):
And that's what we're talking about in this podcast. Brave Enough For Love. So come on in Your identity is so important. That's what you lose many times when you come out of divorce. Did you know that? That was one of the biggest struggles that I had. I lost who I was. I mean, after all, I identified myself as a wife, as a community member, as a married person... All of those things were how I saw myself.

(2m 16s):
And then, after my divorce, suddenly I was thrust into being single. I was on my own. I was back in that place where I had to make decisions about where I was going with my life. Well, did you know that your identity is so crucial that it affects every decision that you possibly make in your life? In fact, how you see yourself determines even what you choose to eat, how you exercise, what programs you watch on TV.

(2m 56s):
Decisions about whether you're honest, about whether you tell that little white lie, about how you treat people - all the decisions you make stem from how you see yourself. Your identity. Remember that life is pretty simple. When we boil it right down to the bare bones, it's about how you see yourself and how you see others. How you see yourself is going to be how you show up in life. And, ultimately, how you show up in love, because your identity is wrapped around the stories that you tell yourself.

(3m 43s):
The meaning that you give to the events that have happened to you in your life. The beliefs you have about what's going to happen in the future. So let me tell you something. I was reading recently, some articles about what men over 50 these days see as attractive in a woman. Now, when we reach that older, more mature age, we actually, of course, because we've been down that road, that path of life for a lot of years, our tastes change.

(4m 27s):
What we want changes. And, hopefully, we've learned from the past. Hopefully, the men that you are coming across have learned because often now not true in every case. But most of the time, men who are in that more mature age bracket are looking for different kinds of things than somebody in their twenties. What I, from what I read, what I could glean men who are beyond 50, are looking for women with high values. They're looking for a woman who knows what she believes in. She knows what she wants. Contrary to the opinion that men don't like confident women, they feel threatened by confident women, I think that a man who has moved into that second half of their lives is actually looking for somebody that they don't have to work really hard to make happy.

(5m 24s):
She's already happy. She already knows who she is. She's already, and this is sort of the second category, she's already enjoying her life. She's fun. She's adventurous. That doesn't mean that you, oh, you, you know, you have to want to climb Mount Everest but you're not opposed to trying new things. You're interesting. And you're interested. You're open. You're learning. Those are the things that men find attractive. Not necessarily the slim beautiful body. Not necessarily the sexiness, although that's part of the adventure.

(6m 7s):
A woman who is open and adventurous when it comes to lovemaking and the things involved there, they want someone who's interested in the intimate parts of life too, because they're looking for a life partner, somebody to enjoy life alongside. So let me ask you, where are you in this whole regard? Where are you in your identity? How do you see yourself? This is all about energy. What kind of energy do you bring to your life?

(6m 47s):
Do you live with gusto or do you hide in depression? Are you up lot? Or are you down? Do you tend to go to the negative as opposed to the positive? So let's imagine I just as show you how important this is, you know, Eeyore, who is Winnie the Pooh's kinda sad. Companion. I love your he's so cute. He's such a sweet little donke but he's got this cloud that hangs over him. And, even in the tone of his voice and the slump of his shoulders, he's actually a perfect illustration of the woman who has given up on life.

(7m 31s):
The woman who finds she's so afraid of everything that she picks everything apart, you know, that person, we all know women like this. She always has a "but", right? She can say something but she can believe in something. But then, it's like, what happens when the other foot falls? She's always talking about being cautious and being wary and about the ulterior motives of people, you know, that kind of person. Well, imagine Eeyore on a date, a female, Eeyore.

(8m 12s):
What kind of energy is she going to bring to that person who is taking her out for a nice evening? What's her focus going to be? I think she's probably going to be focusing on stories like, oh, he's not going to like me anyway. Or he's probably just gonna break my heart. You know, those stories, those attitudes that we have that protect our hearts, the wall around our hearts, our sleeping beauty hearts inside. The sleeping beauty that has perked a finger on pain in life.

(8m 57s):
And her heart has fallen asleep and she just doesn't bother to hope anymore because she just feels like it's all going to go bad anyway. How is that woman going to see the man that's across from her? Your brain will go where you tell it to, right? If she's telling herself those kinds of stories, all she's going to pick out are the negatives in that guy. All she's going to see the things that are going to be blaring to her are the things she won't like. Probably won't like the assumptions she's going to make about him. So what kind of action is that going to result in?

(9m 40s):
She's going to pull away from him. She's not going to be open and free and confident. She's going to pull away and she's going to push him away. He's not going to feel welcome in her life. He's not going to feel as if he can contribute anything positive to her because she's already made up her mind that life is sucky. Life doesn't work and it's all a negative ride. All right. So that's your Eeeyore on a date. Okay. Let's look at Wonder Woman on a date, extreme positivity, extreme "brave".

(10m 21s):
Remember, we're talking about being brave enough for love here. Bring wonder woman on a date. Where is her focus going to be? Well Wonder Woman has a life. She has this date that she's on is only a part of her life. It's not her whole life. She's not looking at this man. And thinking, is this a guy I'm going to marry? What she's doing is she's looking at it as a fun evening out. She's decided to go out on this date because she wants to meet interesting people. She wants to connect with somebody - with a man just to enjoy an evening and think maybe the possibilities are there.

(11m 9s):
Maybe not. But that's not the point of her being there. How is she going to see that guy? She's going to be interested in him. She's bringing an energy to that date that says, Hey, I want to know who you are. What do you think about this? What do you think about that? Wow, that is so exciting. That must have been such an adventure for you or how did you learn all of that? That's amazing. She's going to show him that she wants to know who he is without judgment. She's not going to sit there and tell him how to think and that he shouldn't think that.

(11m 49s):
She's not going to give him advice. She's just to listen and enjoy. So what's going to be the action that comes out of that? She's probably going to get a second date. She's going to create an atmosphere around that, man. That's going to make him enjoy being with her. He's going to be able to feel relaxed. He's going to look past how she looks and see who she is. He's just going to like being with her. And that sets them up for beginning to explore whether or not they're compatible.

(12m 30s):
Whether or not they're on the same page about things in life, about things in love, about all kinds of things. They're going to be able to make decisions based on that. Which one would you rather be? Do want to be the ER on the date? Or would you like to be the Wonder Woman? Now you could be somewhere in between. Yes, but I'm hoping that you want to lean towards being the Wonder Woman. Because if the energy you bring is so important, but it all stems from how you see yourself.

(13m 11s):
It's about your character. It's about your values. Remember how you see yourself determines every decision you make. If you decide that you want to find love and that you're going to be brave enough to face love, to embrace love, to make the best of love. And that's the reason you go out on a date, then you're going to bring a totally different energy to that date than if you were thinking, "Oh, I better do this. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I better not stay by myself".

(13m 52s):
I mean, the difference is phenomenal, right? And those are, that is an extreme Eeyore. But to get the idea of what I'm saying here. So here are your Courage Pillars because we're working towards being brave enough for love. The first thing is your Pillar #1 - your Why. You are your identity. And these are the things you have to think about. Who do you want to be and who don't you want to be? And then you need to think about Courage Pillar #2, The Truth Is, and you need to get really honest with yourself.

(14m 37s):
When you look in the mirror, not just at your looks, but at your heart, what do you see? What's the story that you're telling yourself? What are you believing about? Who you are, what you're capable of, how lovable you are, how valuable you are, what are you really thinking about that? What are the stories you have told yourself and you are believing right now? What do you always come back to in a day? What happens when you start to move forward? And you hit that ceiling? How low is that ceiling? And what are you thinking about when your head bumps against it, preventing you from going higher?

(15m 26s):
Think about the story that you want to believe in your life. Think about what it would take for you to become that person that could live in the love that you're dreaming of. And that leads us to Courage. Pillar #3: your Hope Filled Action. This is what I want you to do. I want you to write that down. I want you to make a list. Who do you want to be? And who do you not want to be? Because remember out of those two things, all of your decisions are made including what emotions you live in, how you come across, how you enjoy whatever situation you're in.

(16m 13s):
Your brain does what you tell it to do and where you focus determines what you think, where you focus, determines how you act and where, what you decide to do with your life and with love. Okay? So you want to find the love that is your home. That's your Courage Pillar #1, your Why. You need to make some decisions, how that looks. And that's what we find in the Man Plan and who you need to be in order to live within that love.

(17m 1s):
So let's talk about it. Let's you and I get together. I have a few spots open in the next few weeks. I'll put the link in the show notes. Let's you and I talk about this. Even if you decide that coaching together is not a fit that's okay. Let's talk about the fear that could be blocking you from moving forward. How are you seeing yourself? What is your identity that is causing you to make decisions to shrink back or to push men away? That's a really, really important thing for you to know. So book a time with me, let's talk. I would love to know because my heart is to know the women that I serve to know the women who are out there struggling with these issues.

(17m 50s):
And it helps me as much as I know it's going to help you. So let's get started on your Man Plan. All right. I will talk to you in the next podcast And, in the meantime, you work towards being Brave Enough For Love . We are the women who live with grit and who live with grace. Talk to you next time.