Episode 39: How To Be Brave Enough To Choose "Mr. Right"

The scariest thing about dating is making that FINAL decision..."Yes. I will spend the rest of my life with you." Right?

 I this episode we talk about what it takes to, who you need to be, HOW to be as sure as you can be that your "Chooser" isn't broken.

Make these Courage Pillars you foundation:

Pillar of Courage #1: Know your WHY. You want to be one of the BRAVE ones. Brave Enough For Love.

Pillar of Courage #2: The Truth Is...

• You don't trust yourself to be a good "Man Chooser".
• You need to build your Courage muscle in order to step into your Brave Identity

Pillar of Courage #3: Hope-Filled Action: Do something that scares you!  (suggestions in the podcast) This is all going to transform you into a good Man Chooser.

Next Brave step for YOU: Talk about your next move toward love. What's standing in your way? Where do you want to go? Click here and do this!  SCHEDULE a consultation with me. No obligation to coach with me - let's just a "feel" for how Brave you are right now.

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I'm Bernice McDonald, Courageous Love Coach, and I help women Beyond 50 to be Brave Enough For Love by partnering with them to create their Brave Identity and a "Perfect For Me Man Plan".  Your love is out there so let's get your heart ready!

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Transcript

0 (0s):
How you see yourself, that's your identity. You need a courageous, brave identity to know. Yes! That dadada... I'm Wonder Woman! I'm Super Girl! I can face when the whole world is in danger and on fire. I can face it and I can do this. Yes. Even after 50, 60, 70, you are needed in this world to face the hard stuff. Life is always going to throw that stuff at you. You need to know on your death bed, looking back that you faced your life with courage, including love.

0 (41s):
So you need to do stuff that scares you.

1 (48s):
What do you do when you're a woman pushing beyond 50 and you wish you could just fast forward, past the dating parts. How do you find the love? And the guy you know is out there. You step up to be brave enough for love. You refuse to give up on the magic. You create a Man Plan and you go for it one day at a time, one date at a time. I'm Bernice McDonald, your Love Coach. And that's what I had to do. And that's what we're talking about in this podcast. Brave Enough For Love.

1 (1m 28s):
So come on in...

0 (1m 32s):
When I met Rod, I was brave enough for love, but believe me, it was a process. A journey to get to that place. Let me tell you with going back to about a month after I separated from my husband, I joined a gym. The second time I met this one guy, he greeted me with "Hello, beautiful lady". Oh my goodness. My heart melted. I was attracted to this guy. And really my soul was so thirsty to hear those kinds of words, to receive a compliment, to know that I still had it, that somebody thought I was beautiful.

0 (2m 19s):
Do you know that feeling? Well, I latched onto that guy with everything I was. Over the next, probably 18 months, I tried to convince him that, yes, he was able to be in a healthy relationship when in fact, it turned out that he couldn't be. He could never be. I didn't just stop there. I did get into dating and I dated a couple of guys that were really losers and did some things that I'm not proud of. I also ended up in another year long stint with a guy that I again was trying to convince that we could do this.

0 (3m 1s):
We could be in the relationship. He could rise to the occasion. We could make it work. When we actually couldn't. Now I blame myself for this because I was learning. I was growing. All through that time - that was over a period of at least four years - I was growing. I was deepening. I was learning about myself and I was also getting very discouraged with the whole dating scene. You know what that feels like. Anyways, when I was dating the last guy - the last unhealthy guy - I call him, then I also decided that I would get some coaching.

0 (3m 46s):
I needed some coaching for my own professional career, my coaching career, but I also needed coaching to figure out why I was always attracting these guys that were not right for me, not ready. My coach gave me a wonderful piece of advice which I also took. She said, "Alright, here's the deal. You give him six months. You'll love him unconditionally. Give him all the room he needs to show you who he is. Let him be himself. Test him. If you need to ask him questions, put scenarios in front of him, but take your hands off.

0 (4m 29s):
Do not try to control him. Best advice ever. Actuall,y what happened was -and, also, I should say, she said at the end of that, then consider if he is able to be in the love that you need to build, Is he able to create that love alongside you in a place where you feel really at home being with him. I had an aha moment. I said to her,"You know what? I've already done this. I've been with him longer than six months.

0 (5m 10s):
And he just hasn't been able to step up. He isn't able to." And so she said, "There's your answer." So, all of a sudden, I felt strong. I could say, you know what? I don't want any more crumbs. I want the whole cake. And I was able to let it go. What was wrong with me is that my chooser was off. I didn't trust myself. I didn't believe that I would be able to find love again. If I, you know, on my own, if I did the choosing, if I said, no, I thought then that I would push guys away. Instead I gave them, just like I did with my ex-husband all the room they needed but, at the same time, I was still almost committed to staying with them.

0 (5m 60s):
Even though they were wrong for me. Now, this raises a fear in us, right? We get scared that we are not going to be able to choose the right guy. This solution is really to have the courage, to build our courage, to step into the things that make us brave. To be brave enough to believe the right love is out there. And that we are valuable enough. We have enough in us. That means we deserve the right love. There's nothing wrong with saying I deserve the right love.

0 (6m 40s):
It's not even really a matter of deserving. It's a matter of need. You need to be in the right love because love, if your life is going to last a long time, love also is long, and you need to be with somebody who can watch your back, who can be there for you in every situation and who you want to support. Somebody you can laugh with and dream with and play with and, and solve problems with. Somebody who's your partner. Somebody who's your home. So I am giving you permission to test drive your love.

0 (7m 25s):
Give a guy the chance to show you who he is longer than two dates longer than a month. If you get along with him, all right. If he's interested in dating you, then go with it. If you're not absolutely repulsed, then go with it. Because in those four to six months, you are going to see a lot of things about yourself and about him. Many things are going to come up for both of you. And so you need to see how you are able to talk those things through. This takes courage. It takes learning to be brave.

0 (8m 7s):
So how do we learn to be brave? I want to tell you how I did this. I had to build my courage. And, as Eleanor Roosevelt says, do something that scares you every day or something to that effect. Because in facing your fear, that's what builds that courage muscle. You need to know that fear can be there but you can still go ahead and do some things. And that's all right. The fiery fear, dragon breathes his scary fire over you, standing outside the walls that you're building around your heart, but you're, the one who makes the decision, whether or not you listen to him in that situation.

0 (8m 51s):
That fiery fear, dragon amazing things that our brains are, does not know the difference between you jumping off a cliff or going out with a guy who is giving you doubts. It doesn't know the difference. In fact, anything that brings up that fear response in you, where you want to run, or you want to fight or whatever, that all feels the same to your brain. And so you're the one who has to make the decision. Do I need to do this anyway? And I would say, if you are going to be brave enough for love, you need to learn to do it anyway.

0 (9m 35s):
One of the examples was that after I met Rod, I had taken that step of courage to decide that I was going to be in control of who I picked. And I was going to test a guy out to see if he loved me. If he could love me, if he could be in a relationship with me as I was to build the love that I needed. And we were talking one day about our bucket list. And I happened to mention that I like why I really wanted someday to go whitewater rafting. I saw his eyes light up. Well, you know, it was only a few days, I think, when he came back to me and he had made all the arrangements.

0 (10m 18s):
He found a place. He booked the time he paid for it and he got me there and we went whitewater rafting. I was scared to death. That was the first big adventure I'd taken for a very long time. But you know, doing that, it changed me. I did something that scared me and it made me aware that I could step out and do something. Even if I felt afraid. I just had to have a good reason for doing it. So that brings us to our power pillar #1, or as I'm thinking of the more as courage pillars.

0 (11m 3s):
Now, three courage pillars. You need to stand on to use as your foundation to begin to move yourself forward. Courage, pillar. Number one is that you need to know your why you need to think of love as an act of bravery. And you need to learn to have the courage, to love, to be brave enough for love in what ever form it takes and all the things involved, you need to know that you have what it takes to get through anything. That's your first Courage Pillar. The why. The second one is the Truth Is...

0 (11m 49s):
The Truth Is... all relationships, all of life is about how you see yourself and how you see others. And those are always the questions you need to ask yourself. How am I seeing myself right now? How am I seeing that man? And so you need to constantly be evaluating that the Truth Is... I was not trusting myself. I did not trust myself to be the chooser. How do you see yourself? Do you trust yourself to be able to pick the right man for you? If the answer is no, then you know, your work is cut out for you and you need to build that bravery. You need to build that courage which you can do.

0 (12m 28s):
How? That takes us to the third Pillar of Courage, Hope-filled Action. You need to do stuff that scares you and build that courage muscle so that you gain confidence in yourself. How you see yourself, that's your identity. You need a courageous, brave identity to know, yes, that dadada... I'm Wonder Woman! I'm Super Girl! I can face when the whole world is in danger and on fire. I can face it and I can do this.

0 (13m 9s):
Yes. Even after 50, 60, 70, you are needed in this world to face the hard stuff. Life is always going to throw that stuff at you. You need to know on your death bed, looking back, that you faced your life with courage, including love. So you need to do stuff that scares you. You need to build that courage muscle in order to be Brave Enough For Love. How do you do that? Do stuff that scares you. Go whitewater rafting. Go zip-lining. Face a conversation that's very difficult. Apply for a job that you're so scared of being rejected in.

0 (13m 51s):
If you are rejected, so what? You did it. You did it! It's the act that matters. It's you taking the action despite your fear that really, really counts here. So do something that scares you every day. Face it. Do it. That's your Hope-filled Action and do it with positivity. Yeah, it'll be scary at first, but you will be amazed at how your imagination tells you things. The "what ifs" and those things are not right.

0 (14m 31s):
When you get on the other side of it, you go, "Oh, well... That wasn't that big a deal. I did it. And I'm proud of myself for doing it." You can do anything you put your mind to. And even if you come out with a little bit of hurt, a lot of hurt, you still did it. You went for it. You tried it. You, found out it didn't work. That is brave. And that's what you need to do. If you are going to find that beautiful, amazing love that is out there for you. I can honestly say that because I started off by saying, okay, I am going to be brave.

0 (15m 17s):
I'm choosing my own man. I'm choosing my love. Then, all the way through our relationship, I have chosen to face fear and to do more things that make me afraid. In fact, Rod and I do that together. We face things that are a little bit scary or a lot scary. And I told you about the walking on fire. I told you about going zip lining. (I think I have shared that story) Those things terrified me, but I did them. And I feel brave. And I know because I did those, I can face anything.

0 (15m 60s):
Now here's what I want you to do. I want you to do another brave thing. I want you to consider giving me a call. No, I want you to give me a call. I want you to get on a consultation call with me and let's figure out where you are at in your journey to find love. Let's find out what those blocks are that are holding you back. What are you so afraid of? Because it's always fear at the bottom. And let's figure out how you are going to demolish those blocks. And if it works for you, if you choose to, I am going to take you forward into creating a plan.

0 (16m 45s):
A plan for you to find your courage and a plan for you to stand up for yourself. A Man Plan, I call it, because creating that and writing down what you want is really going to be the thing that helps you to stand strong in your convictions to make a commitment to yourself. So I'll put the link in the show notes. You can go to my website, www.braveenoughforlove.com. And you get on that call with me. The call is free, whatever we do after that, you can make a decision, but let's get you started. Don't delay any more.

0 (17m 25s):
Love is waiting for you and that man who needs you to be his soulmate, who needs you to watch his back and to stand beside him for the rest of your lives. He's out there looking for someone just like you. All right, enough for today, my

1 (17m 45s):
Good ladies, give me a call. And if you enjoy this podcast, share it with your friends. Give me a like, and a great review because that's the way we're going to be able to share this and bring more ladies into the place where they are Brave Enough For Love. I will talk to you in the next podcast.