Stop and think - If you could have any love that you could dream up, what would it look like?
What's the #1 thing that stands between you and that exact life? What's stopping you?
Enter the Fiery FEAR Dragon.
Broken love leaves you shattered. And can drain you of all your hope. Especially if you're a woman who is pushing into her 50's, 60's, 70's. Your heart tells you that the same thing could happen AGAIN so it's better - easier - to just NOT try.
What if you choose the wrong man again? What if he treats you badly? A carbon copy of every other love.
In this podcast, I tell you how I faced one of the most TERRIFYING moments of my life - (besides getting out there and dating again after my divorce - at the age of 50)! Terrifying...but it became one of the most life-changing experiences of my life. AND it actually helped me to shrink that Fiery FEAR Dragon down to a little furry guy I now call "Fred".
Come on in and let me tell you how FACING and making friends with the Fiery FEAR Dragon who tells you all kinds of stories about why you CAN'T find love again will absolutely lead you to the life you dream of.
The power life that we want. The power love that we want is right there in front of us. But this thing stands in our way. FEAR. The Fiery FEAR Dragon was telling me all kinds of things. "You're going to get burned. Your feet are going to be so blistered. You can't do this. You're going to die!" The Fiery FEAR Dragon was painting all these pictures in my head. Remember it's as if your life is like a castle and your heart is Sleeping Beauty inside.
And you've built this wall of thorns around you. And you put the Fiery FEAR Dragon on guard to keep anybody, anything from getting in there and waking you up. It's so much more comfortable to just stay status quo, to just not try anything courageous. So you're a woman beyond 50. What is standing between you and the dreams that you have in your heart? I'll tell you. It's the Story that you're telling yourself. This podcast is about keeping our heart awake and open to love because those Stories are what closes your heart and keeps it locked up tightly.
It takes courage every day to face those Stories. About 15 minutes a day only, in fact. I'm Bernice McDonald, Courageous Happiness Coach and that's the journey that I'm on in this life. I want you to find your heart again. To find the real you - the amazing courageous, loving, crazy, sexy woman that you were meant to be. Yup. Even after 50. Are you ready? Okay. Come on in. Let's take those 15 minutes right now. There I was being jostled long in the middle of a crowd of thousands of people being pushed slowly toward several beds of red hot coals.
Every one of those people except me had the intention of taking their shoes off and walking barefoot on those beds of coal. Now, me, I had decided I was just going to go along and support my husband. Originally I was supposed to walk on those goals. But I had changed my mind because, well, I was too scared. We were at Unleash the Power Within, Tony Robbins amazing event, which was four days of immersion which totally changed my life.
And at the end of the first day, now all day, we were being prepared for this moment. It was about probably midnight of that day. And we had been there since like nine o'clock in the morning. It was intensive, but it was so powerful. How had he been preparing us? Well, he had been asking us, "What kind of a life do you want?" all day. We had been thinking about that. What do you want in your life? Who do you want to be? How do you want to live?
That's the question I bring to you every podcast, right? Who do you want to be? How do you want to live? Do you want to know an epic love in your life? Is that what you want? And secondly, we had been thinking continuously about what was stopping us from having the life we wanted. The number one reason, as Tony Robbins taught us, is not anything that's a surprise, but the number one reason that stops us from reaching the life and having the life that we really, really want inside is FEAR.
And the number one FEAR is the Story we tell ourselves, "I am not enough. And I won't be loved". As a result of that Story, we decide what actions we're going to take. Those actions really come down to two choices. We either stay where we are and just, you know, remain status quo. Or we decide that we're going to move forward. We are going to take life by the throat - we are not going to listen to that FEAR - the Fiery FEAR Dragon, and we are going forward.
What do you think the Fiery FEAR Dragon was saying to me, as I was pushed up to that bed of coals? Rod went and I watched him and he survived. And then, suddenly, all these people were in my face saying, "Yes, yes, yes, yes!". And I was saying, "No, no, no, no!" But I had my shoes off. Then to add fuel to that fire and increase my terror by about 50%, The coals had died down on the bed that I was standing in front of.
And they decided, "Wait, wait, wait" - we need to just refresh this bed. And they poured new coals on top of there so that they were glowing, practically on fire. I was pulling back. They were in my face. "Yes, yes, yes, yes! Which is something that we had learned through the day that we need to change what we think. We need to realize how much that word. "No, no, no" is in our heads and we need to replace it with yes, yes, yes!
The Power Life that we want. The Power Love that we want is right there in front of us. But this thing stands in our way. FEAR! The Fiery FEAR dragon was telling me all kinds of things. "You are going to get burned. Your feet are going to be so blistered. You can't do this. You're gonna die!" The Fiery FEAR dragon was painting all these pictures in my head. Remember, it's as if your life is like a castle and your heart is Sleeping Beauty inside. And you've built this wall of thorns around you.
And you put the Fiery FEAR Dragon on guard to keep anybody, anything from getting in there and waking you up. It's so much more comfortable to just stay status quo, to just not try anything courageous because it's scary. That's the bottom line FEAR. The number one thing that keeps us from going for our goals In this case, when we think of wanting that Power Story, and we think of the three Power Pillars, we have to grab onto our "why".
Why would I do this to myself? Why would I want to walk on a bed of hot coals? As Tony Robbins had been teaching me all day, it's because you have to face that FEAR. You have to grab that huge Fiery FEAR, Dragon and shrink him down and make them a friend. You have to say to him, "Yes. I realize you have been given to me to protect me from walking off a cliff, from doing dangerous things that may end my life". But there are times, because our brains cannot detect which things will end our lives and which things will actually enhance our lives, the FEAR we feel is same.
So we need to shrink that FEAR down and make him a friend. Turn them into Fred, the friendly Dragon. And thank him for giving us the warning and say, "Thank you. But I need to do this for my own sake." When it comes to making that choice about staying where you are, where love is concerned, or getting out there and actually opening yourself up to love, realizing that there is an epic love out there for you.
And if you, believe that, if you go for that, you will find it. That's your Power Pillar. One, what Is your why? Power Pillar two is the truth is now here. Life is simple. As I keep saying in all my other podcasts, it's about how you see yourself and how you see others. And, really, that boils down to three different things about how you see yourself and about how you see others. It's about what you think about most.
It's about what you believe the Story you're telling yourself. It's about what you do. The action you take as a result of that. Same with how you see others. If you're sitting there and you're thinking about going out with a man, what do you think about most? What do you believe? What's the Story the Fiery FEAR Dragon is telling you because that's, who's blowing the smoke over you. And what do you do as a result? Do you say, yes, yes, yes. Or do you say no no, no? Then you take your action.
I want you to think about what Hope-Filled Action looks like I had to in that moment, standing there in front of that glowing hot bed of coals with all those people watching me and saying, "Yes, yes, yes. You can do this. Go for it, go for it, go for it." Hope-Filled Action. In an instant, I had to change my no to yes. I had to change what I was thinking, what I was focusing on. I had to change the word FEAR o courage, to focus more on courage.
I had to look, in that instant, at the Story I was telling myself, I was saying, "I'm not enough. I can't do this. I can't walk on fire. But I had to change this to, "I must do this if I'm going to move ahead in my life. I must face this FEAR and I must do something I didn't think I could, in order to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. And third, I had to do something to reinforce that changing. I had to take action. I had to take a step.
So in that moment, facing that fire, what did I do? I walked. I took one step and then another and another and another and another and another. And you know, I didn't even really feel that fire. I just walked straight across. I looked at the person on the other end, who was beckoning me on and saying, "You can do this. Come on, come on, come on!" I focused there and I made it across. No harm. I did it. Oh my goodness. The most incredible feeling. And still, as I think about it, as I look back on it, it was life changing because it did teach me that I can feel FEAR and still go ahead and do it.
I can shrink FEAR down to a friendly thing that gives me a warning but I get to make the choice. Do I stay where I am? Or do I take a step forward and actually do this in order to grow my life? Because it's leading me toward the life I want. And in this case for you, my lovely lady, it's growing you to ward the love you want. Are you ready to take the steps? I want to tell you, and I'm going to talk about this in the next few podcasts. I am changing the name of Open To Love Again, to Brave Enough For Love because what stops so many beautiful hearts from opening up and believing that one bad love, 10 bad loves does not equal all love.
The past does not equal your future unless you live In it. I want to bring you out of the past. I want you to believe in the future to step into those three Power Pillars and take action every single time you are faced with your own bed of coals - red, hot, glowing Fiery calls right in front of you. And you've got that Fiery FEAR. Dragon blowing, "No, no, no!". I want to see you change that to "Yes, yes, yes". To make a decision - I'm going for it. I'm going it because this is going to enhance my life And give me the courage, the freedom to do anything I want in my life.
All right. Thanks for sticking with me to the end. And I I'm going to see you in the next podcast.