S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough For Love

Episode 36: To Own Your Excellence Is To R.E.L.A.X. Into Love

May 19, 2021 Bernice McDonald
S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough For Love
Episode 36: To Own Your Excellence Is To R.E.L.A.X. Into Love
Show Notes Transcript

 The greatest thing you can ever know is Over the Moon, Never Leave Me Love.  Beyond 50? Dating...again?

R.E.L.A.X.! Part 5 Podcast - "X" is for "Excellence". Own your SOFT power. Discover how to take the most beautiful parts of you out on a date - and win the guy.

Moving back toward love after divorce is scary.  Add being beyond 50 and it's downright terrifying at times.

Why would you put yourself through that? Because you deserve it to find that Great Love out there for you!

R.E.L.A.X. back into it. This is #5 in our Masterclass of How To R.E.L.A.X. into love. This is the "X"  for Excellence and this is one of those easy kind of actions once you "get" it.

Inside - at your the heart of who you are - you carry a beauty, a light, a strength that is unlike anyone else. Own that and WHATEVER happens as you open up to love again will always keep you grounded and moving forward.

On a date. When you fall in love. When you are in the love bubble you will find.

Here is the link to the list of values I mention in the podcast in Pillar 3: Hope-filled Action.  GET THE LIST and do this simple assessment to find out where your EXCELLENCE begins!

The R.E.L.A.X. into Love Masterclass:

Episode 32: R  Relax
Episode 33: E  Elevate his Heart
Episode 34: L  Learn everything there is to know about you and about him
Episode 35: A Ask for your Needs to be met
Episode 36: X Excellence - Live in it always!

All the Steps on the Open To Love Again Pathway...

Step 1: Recognize your Old Story and your Power Story
Step 2: Find your S.O.F.T.
Step 3: Put your S.O.F.T. into action and R.E.L.A.X.
Step 4: Grow your Sparkle Power.

This week's DOWNLOAD to help you take your Hope-Filled Action can be found at this link: Your Sample Values List

You alone know yourself now from that place, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you look at my eyes. I want you to answer me, honestly, as you think about this. Finish the sentence and I want you to stand strong in this. I am someone who _______. Who are you? Yes, you are that woman with all those cherished memories, with all those cherished moments inside you that are yours alone loved in the way that you love them. Now, from that place, I want you to look at yourself.

0 (46s):
Who are you?

1 (51s):
So you're a woman beyond 50. What is standing between you and the dreams that you have in your heart? I'll tell you it's the Story that you're telling yourself. This podcast is about keeping our heart awake and open to love because those stories are what closes your heart and keeps it locked up tightly. It takes courage every day to face those stories. About 15 minutes a day. Only. In fact, I'm Bernice McDonald, Courageous Happiness Coach. And that's the journey that I'm on in this life. I want you to find your heart again, to find the real you, the amazing courageous, loving, crazy, sexy woman that you were meant to be.

1 (1m 43s):
Yup. Even after 50, you're ready. Okay. Come on in. Let's take those 15 minutes right now.

0 (1m 52s):
Woohoo! We are talking today about your most excellent self. Who you are -the beauty, the core, the strength in you and how you bring that person with you out on a date, into a relationship, into the world for everyone to see, and for you to feel amazing about. You at your best. You being you. That's a term that is so used right now, right? You being you. Well, how in the world do you do that?

0 (2m 34s):
What the heck does that mean? You being you is finding this person we're talking about today. This you inside. This happens to be the fifth in our R.E.L.A.X. Series. The 'x' stands for Excellence. And if you want to listen to the other four, that is the 'E', the 'A',the 'L', the 'A', just go back and start at episode 31. And you will get to all of them because what we're creating here is confidence.

0 (3m 14s):
What we're doing is helping you to imagine the identity that you need in order to go out there and confidently find love again, knowing that you can protect your heart. You have the ability to know who you are and to know what you need. And so - that's your soft. So you're taking your, your strong on the inside, soft on the outside, out into the world, and you're applying it to all of your actions. Let's talk just you and me for a minute.

0 (3m 55s):
Okay? Pretend you're sitting just right beside me. It's not COVID. We're not wearing masks. Pretend we're looking at each other right in the eye. Now I want you to tell me, first of all, if you are able to get into your heart. Can you feel your heart? Put your hand right there on your heart, physically, and feel it beating. Just put it over in that vicinity for where you are - and think about the core of who you are. Now think about all the precious things your heart is storing there. The precious memories, the things that you cherish.

0 (4m 38s):
The things that you alone have in your life that are so meaningful to you. Imagine the first time they put your babies in your arm. You know that feeling? Or the first time you received a gift when you were a little kid that you never thought you'd get. And you were just amazed, you were over the moon excited, and actually pretty astonished that you got that. Maybe it was an award that you received and you felt so proud. Maybe fast forward a few years and you got a promotion.

0 (5m 21s):
You won the competition for the job that you wanted so much. Those moments in time are what bring us alive. They're your treasures. They're things that you pull out of that Treasure Chest on your Path because you are a heart. An individual. A woman who has her own life, her own memories, the things in her heart. That mean the most to her. Those are yours. Nobody can take those away from you. And when you need to get in your heart, this is where you go.

0 (6m 2s):
Open up that Treasure Chest and pull out some of those stories, those beautiful memories, those moments in time that just fill you with so much gratitude and appreciation and wonder and thankfulness. I could go on. All right? So we're here in your heart. You're in your heart. You alone know yourself. Now from that place, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you look at my eyes. I want you to answer me, honestly, as you think about this.

0 (6m 43s):
Finish the sentence and I want you to stand strong in this. I am someone who _______. Who are you? Yes, you are that woman with all those cherished memories, with all those cherished moments inside you that are yours alone, loved in the way that you love them. Now, from that place, I want you to look at yourself. Who are you? I am someone who values kindness. I am someone who loves to love.

0 (7m 25s):
I am someone who always puts honesty first. I try to always be honest. I am someone who gives freely without expecting anything in return. I am someone who believes in giving my family and friends room to grow. Things like that. Who are you? Think about that for a moment. If you need to, you can just stop this podcast right now and go and write some of those things down. It is so vital that, you know, because that is your Excellence.

0 (8m 7s):
That is you being the most excellent you. It has nothing to do with how good you are at something. It has nothing to do with how much money you have, what sort of home you live in, what kind of car you drive, nothing to do with that is your 'Excellence'. Your Excellence comes from who you are in your heart. The real you. Now you could include some statements like "I am someone who sometimes indulges in sugar too much, especially when I'm depressed.

0 (8m 50s):
I am someone who is easily hurt. I am someone who needs a lot of physical touch. I'm someone who needs to know that somebody really cares about me and them spending time with me is really important to me and that tells me that I matter." All your strengths, all your foibles, all your weaknesses, that's you. That's who you are. Nothing Hidden. And you accepting the fact that that's you. And that's the part of you that is becoming better every day.

0 (9m 34s):
The part of you that you want to grow, the strengths that you focus on are the parts of you that you want to grow. And you want to become better. Yet where you are right now is okay with you. "I'm the kind of person who _______" That's you today, right here in this moment. That's the you that you take on a date. That's the you that you present, that you hold up to other people - to accept or not. It doesn't matter to you because it is who you are. That's your Excellence, that's you your most excellent ___________.

0 (10m 18s):
And you put your name in there. Your most Excellent Bernice" - that's me. Now how do you stay here? What do we do with this? How do we R.E.L.A.X. Back into love using this 'X' in our R.E.L.A.X. word? It's like that. So our three Power Pillars, because the Power Pillars lead you to your power Story. And your Story is what you tell others about you, your stories, what you believe about you and about what has happened to you in your life and about your journey on that Path from birth to death.

0 (11m 6s):
Everything that's fallen before you, everything you've been through - those precious moments, those rocks and boulders and bombs that have happened to you on your Path before. That's all part of your Story. We want you to have a Power Story, a strong Story, a believing Story that propels you forward into the future. So in order to do that, you must know who you are, and you must R.E.L.A.X. even into those facts, into being okay with having that Story and being on this Path right now where you are.

0 (11m 50s):
So your Power Pillar #1 is your 'Why', your biggest element that pushes you forward. Your why. Why are we doing this? Why are we even talking about R.E.L.A.X.ing into love again? Because you want an awesome love. You want to know what Epic Love looks like - Feels like, tastes like. You want to know what it is to love and be loved in the way that you dream of. That's your Big Why for doing any of this. Now, underneath that why, today, what we're talking about is your Excellence.

0 (12m 32s):
Why you need to R.E.L.AX into your Excellence when you go on a date, because you want, in order to be in an Epic love in a great love, you must feel and be able to feel totally yourself at home with who you are. You must know that the person that you are choosing to be with is somebody who will allow you to be totally yourself. It's a beautiful thing. When I began to speak up for myself, when I started to ask for what I needed, which we talked about in the last podcast, when I began to say, 'I feel.

0 (13m 16s):
I want, I don't want...' And I said that to Rod, my Knight, as we were getting to know each other. And he responded. He respected that. He did what he could to help make my world the way I needed it to be. I was blown away. It's the most awesome place to live. It's now my love bubble. It's my place where I can come to let my hair down. I can come to refill and refresh and be with somebody who listens to me when I talk. Be with somebody who I can give to. Be with somebody who has heart to heart with me.

0 (13m 56s):
That's the kind of love we all are looking for. And, in order to be in that kind of love, you must know your own Excellence. You must be okay with that and you must be able to stand up for that. So Power Pillar #2 is, "The Truth Is..." YOU have Excellence. Now, your Excellence, who you are, if we're going to sorta pick that apart And, which is what I do with my clients, we figure out what your top values are. What do you stand for? What do you believe in?

0 (14m 34s):
Because your values are the foundation of your life. Whether you know it or not, out of your values, your emotions come. Out of your values, your decisions come. And if you understand what your values are and you know and appreciate those, then you understand when you start to feel uncomfortable and why. You understand, and you're able to get, remember the emotions that you feel are like a balloon tied to a chair. The emotions are just the balloon. That's not the reality. The emotions are being triggered by something.

0 (15m 16s):
And what you have to do is follow the string and look at what's sitting in the chair. It's often your values. If you feel connected to somebody, it's because your values of love and connection and intimacy and friendship are being honored. If you don't feel that, it's because they're not being honored. Your values would tell you when somebody is stepping on who you are and what you believe. So your values are the most important thing that you need to know about yourself.

0 (15m 58s):
I'm going to tell you in a minute, how to get to what your values are. But first I want to say - if you are going out and you're uncomfortable and you're afraid, and you're worried that that person's going to take advantage of you, what you're doing is dishonoring your own values. You are feeling as if something is not going to be respected and probably respect is one of your values. You need to be respected. And you're worried that person is not going to respect you. So all you need to do is to get to know that person and whether or not that's a high value for them too.

0 (16m 42s):
Is one of his high values respect? Is one of his high values love? Where does family fit on his list? Where does honesty fit in his list? Those are the things you need to detect as you get to know somebody. What's his Excellence? Does he stand up for his own heart? Will he stand up for yours? Those are the things you need to detect while you R.E.L.AX back, lean back and let things unfold, That's where you begin to realize whether or not you can just let yourself be your most excellent self in this moment and in the relationship.

0 (17m 32s):
In the moment, I should say, you should always be your most excellent self. You bring your values on that date. You bring your values right there to that moment in that conversation. If respect is a high value for you, then you speak respectfully. You be true to yourself. My first value at the top of my list is integrity. To always be the same everywhere all the time. That is important to me. Not to pretend. Not to be somebody I'm not but also who I am is somebody who does respect.

0 (18m 12s):
Somebody who cares about the other person. Somebody who wants to make the other person feel at home. That's who I am. And so that's who I take out. And that's who I attempt to be. Not to betray myself but to be who I am while I'm in conversation with that person, even here, sitting here with you. That's who I want to be is my most excellent self. So the Truth Is...you have values and you need to live in them. When you start to feel guilty or unhappy or worried, disappointed, frustrated, even with yourself, you're stepping, chances are, on one of your values.

0 (19m 3s):
You're feeling as if you're not being totally honest. You're feeling as if you're not being respected. You're feeling as if you're not being loved or you are not loving in the way that you know you want to love. That's where you begin and to talk about what's going on. That's where you say, "I'm really feeling angry right now. I'm not sure why. I think it's because..." You talk about where you think that's coming from. That's being open and transparent and being able to discuss what's happening with you.

0 (19m 45s):
So Power Pillar #3 is your Hope-Filled Action for today. This is how you find your values. I'm going to give you a list of sample values and I would love it. If you would download that list. I'm going to put it in the show notes. They list a whole bunch of values. And if you're not sure what values look like exactly, it's going to give you some ideas. What I want you to do first is go through the list and check off any that resonate with you. Yeah, that's important to me. Yes, this is.. No, that's not important to me. Then out of that list, I want you to pick out 10. Ten that are really important to you.

0 (20m 26s):
And you know that. But, if you possibly can, I want you to narrow that list down to five. And then I want you to put that five into the order of priority for you. My number one is integrity. What would your number one be? And list them one to five. Then I want you to talk that list in your journal, but also in your heart and carry it with you. Because when you are living by those five values or by the 10 that you wrote (and a good idea is to define what each one means to you) and how you know that you're living in that value, define that.

0 (21m 16s):
That's your Excellence. And then, as you go on your Path, living your life and you walk through different situations and circumstances, what you're going to find is that you're going to balance yourself according to your values. And you're going to come back to them again and again. Chances are your values have never changed in your life because they're developed very young. They're part of our personality. When you do your values, even if there's a 20 year difference, often your values are the same. They don't change because it's who you are as a person.

0 (21m 60s):
So one, your Power Pillar #1, if you're going to be in a great relationship, you must know who you are and know your Excellence and have the freedom to be that person. Your Power Pillar #2, The Truth Is you have an Excellence. You have values that you live by and you must know and stand up for those values. Power Pillar #3 is find out what they are. All right, in the next podcast, we're going to pull all this whole R.E.L.A.X. Concept together and look at how it will affect your life.

0 (22m 40s):
Look at the results of being R.E.L.A.X.ed when it comes to love - before love and when you're looking for love and after when you're in love. These five things are key to you taking action to be the person that you are. To live in as the most Excellent You.

1 (23m 7s):
Thank you so much for being here with me. Come over to Instagram and follow me. I am always posting information. I'm posting ideas. I'm posting encouragement there for you to live out whatever we're talking about in the podcast for this week so I look forward to seeing you. Give me a like and share this podcast with your friends. If you're following on a podcast platform, please give me a, like, give me a good review because we need to pull other women into this journey, too. All right. I will talk to you next time. Have an awesome week.