S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough To Love Being Me After 50

Episode 32: To Receive is to R.E.L.A.X. into Love

April 18, 2021 Bernice McDonald Season 1 Episode 32
S.O.F.T. and Strong: Brave Enough To Love Being Me After 50
Episode 32: To Receive is to R.E.L.A.X. into Love
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Part 1 in a 5 part Masterclass: How To R.E.L.A.X. and Invite Love In

The 'R' in R.E.L.A.X. is to Receive.

 Being strong on the inside begins to build up your ability to Receive.

The R.E.LA.X. Method of Loving comes from that place. It's Strength in Action helping you to put your true self out there into the world. Into relationships of every kind. Into love. 

As a woman who may be reaching toward those beyond 50 years, you know what it is to give and give and give. You may not have had to "receive" for a very long time because, well, you're good at taking care of yourself and having no one to take care of you.

But now you realize that if your are really going to Open To Love Again, you have to learn to give what a man offers. "Receiving" makes a man feel like a Hero.

How do you do that when you tend to push things away and you're not even sure how to simply accept and say "Thank you" anymore.

That's what we're talking about in this Podcast, the first part of the R.E.LA.X.  and Invite Love In Masterclass.

Our Pathway back to living with a wide open heart is:

S.O.F.T.en - 

  • Strong on the Insider so you can be Soft on the outside
  • Open to life and to loving
  • Fabulously Feminine
  • True to Yourself.

This leads to Strength in Action: R.E.L.A.X.

  • Receive
  • Elevate the hearts of others
  • Learn
  • Ask
  • Xcellence (live in yours)

A strong, soft heart smiles at the world and invites others in.

0 (0s):
To just R.E.L.A.X. when I sense that I'm getting afraid. When I sense that I'm starting to tell myself Stories about what's going to happen. If I receive what's being given to me, I practice clench, R.E.L.A.X. my fist and open my heart to receive. Open my hands, to receive. How often do you hear yourself saying things like, Oh, no, thanks. I've got it. No, I don't need any help. I'm fine. Or no, I feel great when you really don't or you don't have to do that.

0 (40s):
I've got it. I'm good. Or I really don't want you to spend your money on me, please, don't do that.

1 (51s):
So you're a woman beyond 50. What is standing between you and the dreams that you have in your heart? I'll tell you - it's the Story that your telling yourself, this podcast is about keeping our heart awake and open to love because those Stories are what closes your heart and keeps it locked up tightly. It takes courage every day to face those Stories about 15 minutes a day. Only. In fact, I'm Bernice, McDonald, Courageous Happiness Coach and that's the journey that I'm on in this life. I want you to find your heart again, to find the real you.

1 (1m 37s):
The amazing courageous, loving, crazy, sexy woman that you were meant to be. Yup. Even after 50. Are you ready? Okay. Come on in. Let's take those 15 minutes right now.

0 (1m 53s):
Hey Gorgeous, It's so awesome to have you here. I want to read you a quote to start today. "There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being unapologetically herself. Comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty." Thank you, Dr. Steve Maroboli. The thing is that's a beautiful quote and I love every part of it because if you were going to learn to Open To Love Again, this is the kind of thing that you must embrace.

0 (2m 47s):
Where does your beauty come from? It comes from being unapologetically yourself, comfortable in your perfect imperfections. This is the beginning of a five part Masterclass that I want to go through with you because I want to break it down cause it's too much in one class. And it's also our third step on the Open To Love Again, Pathway to exactly this - being okay with being perfectly imperfect, to opening to love again, to being able to R.E.L.A.X.

0 (3m 39s):
into being yourself and into being in love , however that looks for you.

1 (3m 48s):
You are remember now a heart on a Path. You are walking that Path. You entered that Path when you were born. You will leave it when you die. You are an individual on that Path. Only you can make the decisions about how to live your life, how you think, how you're going to respond to things. You have your own wonderful values and standards and way of looking at things. This means that...that is your beauty.

0 (4m 25s):
You have a beauty. Your heart is who you are. And that alone is unique and special and amazing about you. You need to think of it as having a Treasure Chest right there for you. You can open that Treasure Chest at any time and bring out all kinds of gifts - gifts like courage, gifts like perseverance, empathy, wisdom, selflessness, something I know that you have cultivated as you have walked this Path. Where do these gifts come from from?

0 (5m 6s):
Well, my beautiful full lady. It's like this. All these things happen to you on your Path, right? You've had bombs that have gone off and totally rocked your world. You have had boulders that have fallen on you out of the blue, smashing you flat like Wile Coyote in the Road Runner. It's taken time for you to get out from under those boulders. You've had others on their Paths, throwing rocks at you to try to hurt you or to accidentally hurt you. There all kinds of things that have happened and your Treasures are actually the things that have come out of you walking through those experiences.

0 (5m 55s):
You may think that all that have is your Stories. The Stories that say things like I am not enough, or I can't do this anymore. Or I will never get to the place where I want to be. You might think that's all that those, all of those things that have happened to you have given you, but you're right wrong. Because every time you had to make a decision to go on every time you had to make a decision to become somebody who had the courage to face her situation, to come up with a solution, to actually be brave enough, to confront somebody, to talk to somebody, to take action.

0 (6m 41s):
Every time you did that, you actually built into one of those jewels in your Treasure Chest. Courage, perseverance, trust, gratitude, kindness. All of those things as a Treasures that you carry with you. Now, what we're going to be talking about on this masterclass is days how to R.E.L.A.X. We've talked a lot about your Story and how you need to be able to flip your Story to a new one.

0 (7m 22s):
You're Sleeping Beauty. You prick your finger on the spindle of pain and you choose whether or not your heart goes to sleep. Many of us put our hearts to sleep. We shut her down and we let the wall build around us because it's too painful. We're too afraid of being hurt again. We don't think we can take it one more time. It wasn't supposed to turn out like that. Those are the Stories that we tell ourselves. And we let this huge thick wall of thorns grow up around our castle and around our bed where we are sleeping. We put our hearts to sleep but I don't want you to keep your heart asleep.

0 (8m 6s):
You let the Fiery Fear dragon be huge to you, standing outside your castle wall telling you to be careful because you're going to get hurt again. We need to shrink him down to size. We need to make him into something that actually is friendly to us. Fear is meant to protect us, to warn us about possible danger. Fear itself cannot tell, like our brains, cannot tell when something is actually good for us to face good for us to go forward in. Yes, we don't want to fall off a cliff because that would be very harmful to us.

0 (8m 46s):
But our brain can't tell the difference between falling off a cliff or going on a date. It can't tell the difference. We have to tell ourselves the difference between that. "Yeah, I'm afraid, but I have to go ahead and do this anyway, because this is what I want". And that's the question. What do you want? My lovely lady. If you're here, I'm going to jump to the conclusion that you want to find the way back into love again, love in all its forms. You want to start not being afraid and you want to be able to open up to the world.

0 (9m 29s):
And that's where your S.O.F.T. comes in. Being S.O.F.T. is a way of being. Strong on the inside is the 'S'. Open to life and love is the 'O'. 'F' is being Fabulously Feminine and 'T' is being True to Yourself. That is the essence of being S.O.F.T. That is a part of your beauty but you have to take that softness and you have to do something with it. And that's where the acronym of R.E.L.A.X. comes in. R.E.L.A.X. is a wonderful word. It feels so at home. It feels as if you could do anything, you can be anything.

0 (10m 11s):
It feels as if you're okay with whatever comes along, right? It's sunshine and blue skies and laying on a beach. It's calming down in the face of anxiety. It's calming down in the face of tragedy or emergency or to R.E.L.A.X. is to let your brain work. It's to let your heart and your brain get in sync so that you can make those decisions on your Path so that you can become the kind of woman that you want to be. Even if you're not perfect. We're going for perfect imperfection, right?

0 (10m 53s):
It's okay. Okay. To make mistakes. It's okay to react. It's just not okay to stay asleep and not let your heart love, not let your heart be open. Now R.E.L.A.X. is an acronym that goes like this. I'm going to go real quickly through this because we're going to take each one today and in the next four episodes and we are going to talk about them in our master class. What R.E.L.A.X. means is 'R' is for Receive, 'E' is for Elevate, 'L' is for Learn, 'A' is for asking and 'X' is for being excellent.

0 (11m 42s):
Again, kind of like being true to yourself but it's living out your excellence. These are all action words. So the first one is Receive. Let's get right to that one now that I've set you up for this. We have our Stories and our Stories tell us, for many of us, as women that receiving is a place of vulnerability. It's a place where we're putting ourselves at risk. We are so used to giving, right? We give our whole lives.

0 (12m 23s):
We cook, we clean, we care for, we do laundry. We make sure everybody's happy in our household. We take care of often in our jobs. We're giving, giving, giving, and that's actually where we learn to be comfortable because we can control the giving more, right? And when your heart has that wall around it, when you are protecting yourself, that's what giving does for you if you remain there and you never receive. To receive is to open your hands, your arms, your heart.

0 (13m 3s):
it's to be open, to accept something being offered to you to receive. It's like - remember the fist clench? I've talked about that in several episodes before. The fist clench is when you dig, you clench your fists really, really tightly and feel those nails digging in. That's like hanging on to everything in your life and trying to control it. Trying to control your situations, the people in your life, the man in your life. But if you R.E.L.A.X. your hand and open it, it feels so good.

0 (13m 42s):
That's what receiving is like. It's opening your hand to receive something. And this is a gesture that I have used so much to teach myself to just R.E.L.A.X. when I sense that I'm getting afraid. When I sense that I'm starting to tell myself Stories about what's going to happen. If I receive what's being given to me, I practice - clench, relax my fist and open my heart to receive. Open my hands to receive. How often do you hear yourself saying things like...Oh, no, thanks.

0 (14m 24s):
I've got it. No, I don't need any help. I'm fine. Or no, I feel great (when you really don't) or you don't have to do that. I've got it. I'm good. Or I really don't want you to spend your money on me, please. Don't do that.

2 (14m 47s):
Okay. Here's a man fact for you, a man feels like a hero when he's able to give to you. He feels even more like a hero when you receive it. When you simply say, "Thank you so much. Or "I appreciate that so much" or "That is wonderful. That's amazing. Where did you ever come up with that idea?" Or "Do you understand how good that makes me feel?" All of those phrases are ways that you can make a man feel like a hero.

0 (15m 29s):
The masculine is "he gives". The feminine is "you receive". And why do you need to do that? Because you open to that when we are feminine, when we're in our fabulously feminine place, like we're learning about when we're Soft on the outside because we're strong on the inside. That's where you begin to go to a place where you feel tremendously grateful. Receiving actually fires up that feeling in you that helps you to live in gratitude in your life.

0 (16m 14s):
Gratitude and appreciation, which is an antidote to feeling and dwelling on all those things that we have lost, right? Because it's when we fear that we're going to lose again, that's where we start to close up. That's where we just are giving and never receiving. But to receive is a beautiful opportunity to learn to love, to learn to give. Because what you do is you actually show respect, show respect for the person who is offering you something.

0 (16m 55s):
So let's look at our three Power Pillars. Our first Power Pillar today is, of course, overall our "why" for even doing any of this is that we want to learn to open to love again. That's our why. you will always have to go back to that because, if you don't have a strong why, remember, you are not going to carry through on the action it takes to make changes, to dig new ditches in your brain, to break down the wall around your heart. But our "why" is to learn to open to love again. And our "why" specifically for today is to learn to R.E.L.A.X.

0 (17m 40s):
into Receiving. The Truth Is..., our second Power Pillar, is where we have to go. Now look honestly at where you are and where you want to be. The Truth Is that often we don't receive and we feel badly receiving gifts, receiving compliments, receiving good things that are being offered to us because it makes us feel vulnerable. It makes us feel as if we're not in control and we can't protect ourselves. That's the first part of that truth. The second truth is, though, is receiving is like believing that every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness.

0 (18m 28s):
That's a quote from Richard Bach, which I love. Let me say it again. Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness. That's how you can flip the Story. Your Story is, if I receive this, I'm going to be in debt to this person. If I receive this, they're going to think that they can take advantage of me. Those are the Stories - some of the Stories we go to. You know, your own. Think about what your own is. You can flip that Story by simply seeing it from a different perspective. This person in this moment has a wish for my happiness.

0 (19m 12s):
Now, maybe they're not even conscious of it, say a co-worker at work who wants to help you with a project, but they really do want to help you to take some of the pressure off of you. To assist you in something that maybe is huge, is hard for you or is a lot of work. They have a wish for your happiness, and that's how you need to see it. And that's how you can flip your Story. So "receiving" is actually a courageous act of respect for the one who is offering you the gift.

0 (19m 53s):
Now think of this when you're sitting across the table from a man and he offers to pay for your meal. He's offering. Our tendency is to say, "No, no, no, no". I'll pay half or it's my turn. I'll do it. You know what means a lot to him and helps take the awkwardness out of the situation for him is to just say, Tthank you so much. I appreciate that. That was delicious". To say thank you, to receive, Iss an act, a courageous act of respect, for the person who is offering you the gift.

0 (20m 37s):
So what's the Hope-Filled Action here? Our third Power Pillar. First Power Pillar is our "why". You want to learn to open your heart to love again. You need to learn to receive. Secondly, second Power Pillar is, "The Truth Is..." Not receiving can be a sign that you are afraid of being vulnerable, that you want to stay in control. You're not always going to be able to stay in control. So you need to realize that that person does not always have ulterior motives. Giving to you is an act of love on their part.

0 (21m 18s):
A way in that moment, whether they're a stranger holding a door for you, whoever they are, they're offering you something, something to make your life easier. Something just to make you smile. And receiving is going to take you, this is the truth, to a place of gratitude where you begin to open up to all kinds of gifts being given to you in every direction every day. Think how much beauty could seep out of your heart. If that's what you were looking for every day, instead of people with ulterior motives.

0 (21m 58s):
Alright. Your Hope-Filled Action for today is to learn to receive. How can you do that? It's not hard. It's really easy. The first one is to say, thank you a lot to express your gratitude to people. Other ways might be to just accept a hug from a grandchild and receive that into your heart. Feel that. Or to stand in the warm sunshine and feel the sun coming into your very being. I love that feeling, especially in the spring, when you've been through the winter and you haven't seen the sun much, and you just need the warmth.

0 (22m 41s):
To stand and receive the warmth is a beautiful thing. And it's a great way to practice for receiving whatever is coming to you. Also, you can receive by saying thank you for help from a coworker and accepting that help or say your daughter offers to come over and help you clean a closet. Accept and realize this is her way of expressing her love for you. Or accept a ride from somebody who wants to go with you to an event or accept the smile of a stranger.

0 (23m 25s):
Or let somebody hold a door for you and actually walk through it, smile at them right in their eyes and say thank you. That's all it takes. Sincere appreciation and gratitude. Ladies, my beautiful lady, This is something that is going to help you learn to sparkle. And that's what I want for you. Alright, that's it for today. The first part of our Master Class on learning to R.E.L.A.X.

0 (24m 6s):
into life and to love to actually taking your S.O.F.T. out there into the world and turning it into action. If you are enjoying the podcast, please be sure that you subscribe, tell your friends about it, like this episode. Send me a message on Instagram and just tell me what you think I'd love to hear from you.

2 (24m 37s):
Get out there and you let that sparkle out. Okay. I will talk to you on the next podcast.

What's the source of true beauty?
Stuff happens and you do the best you can to cope with it.
To R.E.L.A.X. is put your Softness out into the world
The "R" in R.E.L.A.X. is to Receive...which leads to a man feeling like a hero
Power Pillar #1: Your purpose - your "Why" - is to open your heart to love again
Power Pillar #2: The Truth Is...Receiving can be intimidating
Power Pillar #3: Hope-Filled Action Steps